Pumps for HIKING? WTF?

December 3, 2010

http://consumerist.com/2010/11/go-hiking-in-style-with-these-teva-high-heels.html

And I’m serious, Teva has come out with pumps for HIKING. And I thought that womens fashion couldn’t get ANYMORE ridiculous, fucking impractical and literally stupid (I found out about them because my cousin had to write about how excited she is about them on facebook, ugh).

At least some of the comments are cheering me up. lol

I was half expecting a bunch of brainwashed women to be like, “OMG, LIKE YAY. Now I can twist my ankle while hiking and have some big man with muscles save me and carry me down the mountain.” (or course, I didn’t go to the womens sites advertising these shoes, I just couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to get myself outraged, haha).

I got pissed off at this woman dating one of my guy friends because we had to cut our hike by like 90% because she decided to wear flip flops hiking. I was totally pissed off, one mile on flat ground is hardly a real hike to me (which is what we had to settle on because of her flip flops). I can ONLY imagine how bad these things would be for actually hiking.
I’m guessing most women who buy these would not wear them hiking. And if they do – they deserve EVERY FUCKING INJURY they acrue wearing such shoes.
Next thing you know – they’ll be making stiletto cleats – so women playing soccer (or football for my non-US friends), field hockey or softball can do so and look like sex objects while doing it!!! I mean, sports aren’t about the sport, it’s about looking a certain way, DUH! And hiking isn’t about enjoying the fresh outdoors, it’s about like looking all cute and hot for those men hiking on the trails (or course, I know plenty of men who hike and most of them would be likely to make fun of women wearing such shoes, that’s what’s sorta funny about them – who are they trying to impress with these?).

I can’t wait to get my stiletto air jordans!!! What about you?

The most fucked up thing about it, is that it’s real easy to roll yer ankles while hiking or playing sports in REGULAR shoes made for such sports. Add a two inch fuckin’ heal to the mix and the hospitals and MDs are going to make it BIG!

A couple of “Far Side” inspired feminist jokes

November 5, 2010

Natural Selection in Action:

Single celled organism says to the silicone blob, “Me so horny, let’s reproduce!”

(I hope people get ALL the irony in this joke, cuz there are more angles than ya prolly think at first, I could probably write a book on why this joke is hilarious)

—————————————————————————

The sperms said to the Vagina, “Why are you so hostile to us?”

(okay, so this second one’s a bit incomplete or less obvious but there’s gotta be a way to spin off this in a more ironic way, but I was thinking about how female sexuality has to be in “male” terms to be considered “positive” and also – thinking about how ironic it is the vagina is hostile to sperm – and men are hostile towards women sexually AND I was thinking about how PIV is hostile to begin with).

Preggos at the Bunny Ranch

October 6, 2010

One day I caught the Tyra Banks episode (if I remember correctly) of a pregnant woman who was (is?) working at the Bunny Ranch.  Obviously she worked there BEFORE getting pregnant but what happened was – she got pregnant and she became a “hot ticket item”. I guess there seems to be a lot of men who have a fetish for pregnant women.

What was disturbing to me was how this woman really didn’t want to be working while she was pregnant. She felt disturbed by dealing with Johns with a baby in the womb. And she mentioned she’d get really irritated and pissed off when they’d try to rub her stomach or acknowledge it at all.

It was really creepy – I gotta say. The way these men were looking at her stomach – like it was a foot long sub and they hadn’t eaten for two weeks or some shit. And I felt really terrible about it because it was CLEAR that she wasn’t into having sex with these guys, or even being around them…

So why was she staying? The money and the DEMAND (see that word, read it and learn it cuz it’s the most IMPORTANT driving force of sex work); The demand was so high for a pregnant woman – that she felt like she was missing on opportunities to take care of her future child (iow – MONEY). She mentioned in the interview that she always felt relieved when they would all line up so that the Johns could make their choice, and they’d go for a non-pregnant woman (even with how these women line up for the Johns so they can make their “selection” is creepy, in my mind – it’s earily too much like the slave trade).

And it’s like – people want to call this empowering? I don’t get it. Yes, there are times when I really don’t want to be at my job – like right now, I have a really horrid sinus headache…. and being at work with that kind of thing really blows (actually being anywhere – even trying to sleep blows – cuz I can’t sleep with this kind of headache). BUT imagine trying to interact with strangers on a personal level – in a somewhat intimate level (even if superficial), feeling like that? Having people touch you? Groping your unborn child?

I feel like these guys are pedophiles. I mean – that’s what it felt like watching that show… They were basically saying it’s so sexy for women to have this new life in their stomach – and that’s THE fetish – UNBORN child. And I’m just like, ICK. That isn’t even your kid in her womb dude.

I don’t know – it’s just fucking creepy. I understand why’d she’d get irritable when guys would rub her stomach or touch it, and a lot of them would even talk to it (which bothered her even more, if I remember correctly – she didn’t want her baby remembering THEIR voices).

And the scumbag Bunny Ranch owner didn’t give a fuck – the Johns didn’t give a fuck – even when she was recoiling away from them in disgust. They just didn’t seem to notice or care. And I can’t help but think that there is something not right upstairs with these men… And this is why I think they are pedophiles because they weren’t even interested if the prostitute wanted them or was at ease (it didn’t even seem like they noticed HER)… She was an irrelevant prop in their creepy fetish. How can men get boners with women who are obviously feeling that way? Women who can’t even bring themselves to put on the act? It boggles my mind. And this is why I think a lot of Johns are criminal and that their behavior is rapey (love that term rapey – stole it from pixiebiz on youtube). Because many of them don’t care if they are shackin’ up with an underage girl (some even go specifically for the 13 yr olds) or someone who has been trafficked from other countries… They don’t really care if the woman starts to recoil – they want what they paid for and any regard for her comfort or even her sexual pleasure is completely ignored.

And you know – I’d be interested to know how much of a womans own sexuality is taken into account during this type of interaction. Do the men care? Are they just looking for the stereotypical type sexuality spewed all over popular media/porn? How much of it really has to do with the woman?

I totally recommend watching that Tyra show. They show her with some of these Johns and she’s literally making disgusted faces at these guys and sometimes even backing away from them… Where is the “enthusiastic consent” bullshit that everyone keeps going on about? I sure as fuck didn’t see it. In short – it’s rape. Does the aspect of “money” change the fact that she really didn’t want to interact sexually with these fuckers?

Sexual Hang-ups?

October 5, 2010

You GOTTA love the asshole pro-sex trade people that try to paint us as if we have sexual hang-ups. I got a question, what the hell is a sexual hang-up? Not being turned on by feet? Not getting off on females being gagged with penii? Seriously – what the hell IS a sexual hang-up? And why do you think it’s “sex-positive” for shaming people who do not adhere to YOUR brand of “sexuality” (or your force-fed, mass produced, poppy culture brand of “I’m-to-dumb-to-think-for-myself” type sexuality)? Talk about being complete fucking narcissists!
And you know – they are ALWAYS the first to shame someone who’s asexual, or someone who’s not ready to have sex in their 20’s, cuz like OMG, that MUST mean “sexual hang-up.” (apparently worrying about STDs or not desiring complete strangers is a sexual hang-up). Some feminist made a comment about how it was stupid for women to use cleavage to get subscribers on youtube – and she was accused of having a sexual hang-up for it! LOL. It seems to me that some people just can’t handle ANY kind of criticism – and usually they can’t handle such criticism cuz it’s fucking true.
These people aren’t really sex positive, it’s a load of crap! In MY mind – “sex positive” would include being receptive to people who are asexual, or who aren’t fucking everything that walks. People who consider their anus an exit only hole, or even the people who consider their vaginas exit only. People who are squeamish of having a penis in their mouth… All of these sexualities should be celebrated, no? Wouldn’t that be the TRUE defintion of sex positive feminism? Apparently being slapped and called a dumb cunt is the ONLY TRUE positive sex.
They use this fucked up line to try and destroy the credibility of ANYONE who has some good critique. I know that I’ve been accused of having sexual hang-ups in comment threads because I pointed out that the way females are presented in pornographic films (for the most part) has NOTHING to do with female sexuality. So I AM the one with a sexual hang-up because I have the AUDACITY to notice that merely every position shown in pornography does NOTHING to stimulate a female? Yeah… that’s rich. I guess I’m pretty sexually hung-up to know my own body and make the silly assumption that womens bodies are fairly similar (though I realize things vary quite a bit as well). I guess I’m sexually hung-up for pointing out that anal sex doesn’t bring a woman to orgasm or even make her wet… I actually got that response from a guy when I asked the question “Why aren’t men being railed up the asses in hetero mainstream porn, at least they got prostates!” Which is just a thought I constantly come back to because it seems really ass-backwards… Seems to me that straight men are the ones with sexual hang-ups. LOL (not that I have any desire to penetrate a man anally). The asshole tried to justify it and be like, “well some straight men DO like takin one up the rear.” The frickin’ goof couldn’t come up with a good reason why it’s NEVER SHOWN IN HETERO PORN.
And some asshole decides to come and tell me that a lot of women are turned on by anal sex when their clit is stimulated… and I couldn’t help myself – I’m like – don’t you think she’s REALLY being turned by the clitoral stimuli, not the cock in her ass?!?!!?! If a woman does not like being fucked anally without some clitoral stimuli – doesn’t it make you wonder how people can claim that some women are turned on by anal? God, Holy Almighty – I MUST be sexually hung up for asking such questions!!! Why don’t I just shut the fuck up and take one up the ass for da boyz?
If we are going to play the “you are sexual hung-up” game – lets look at just HOW sexually hung up the average porn user actually is… For example – what about women who have anal sex – even though they complain about how bad it hurts? Call me crazy – but doesn’t that seem like a sexual hang-up? I personally think that anyone who feels the NEED to have uncomfortable sex to please whoever, is basically sexually hung-up. They are letting OTHERS define their own sexuality or maybe they are allowing others to not even recognize they have a sexuality that isn’t pre-packaged.. Or what about the people who view so much porn and let it brainwash them to the point that they can’t even get it up for their long-time partner anymore? Isn’t THAT a sexual hang-up?
Or what about the men who get off on women being treated like shit, like the rugs they wipe their feet on? Aren’t they sexually hung-up if they need to fantasize about treating another human being like that to get off? Or what about the people who think that sex and pornography are the same thing or think that strippers are turned on by stripping? Or what about the people who think that if you criticize push-up bras, you are criticizing sex? Aren’t these people sexually hung-up? It seems to me that they don’t even know what sex is. LOL
I’m not really trying to define what a sexual hang-up is but it seems to me that if one is “sex-positive” – than all forms of sexuality must be respected – even the forms of sexuality that are disgusted with this representation of female sexuality commonly found in pornography. Or the people who just have no desire to fuck.
I mean, here’s what I think – anytime someone accuses ANOTHER peron of having a “sexual hang-up” they are fucking projecting their own issues onto other people. Not being horny is NOT a sexual hang-up, hating pornography and being disgusted with it is NOT a sexual hang-up. Not being willing to give up your own body to men, to do whatever they want with it – is NOT a sexual hang-up.
And seriously – I DARE anyone to prove how being disgusted with porn and with how women are being tortured in the sex trade has ANYTHING at all to do with “sexual hang-ups.”

Women in Geology

September 6, 2010

Not a lot of people know this about me – but I graduated with a degree in geology. I never persued a career in geology though, for a number of different reasons but the major one was outrage.
It was annoying enough to have the guys in my class always refer to me as “the girl” and to have my slight size constantly pointed out but there were other things that really got under my skin – especially during field work.
Everytime we were in the field and I had to take a piss – it was really uncomfortable for me. I was the only woman, so finding places to take a leak, was actually quite difficult. And I just didn’t know any of the guys in my classes enough to know how creepy they were, LOL.
One time, we stopped somewhere and I had to piss really bad and my professor was like – “guys piss here and lady pisses here.” and he pointed to this spot where everyone woulda been able to see me (basically right next to where they were all standing). I was like, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? it’s not like I can just whip out a lil flap of skin from my zipper and turn my back to everyone, I gotta drop trough (it’s like, do I want them to get a front or a back view?)… I ended running up a hill in the middle of the woods, for quite some distance (1/4 mile) because there wasn’t much tree cover in this area. I found a nice little tree that had fallen that I could put my ass over and piss. It was heavenly to piss when I finally was able to find places to do it. Because a lot of times, I felt like I had to hold it (sometimes for hours and being a small person, it can be pretty painful sometimes). Actually – I’m surprised I didn’t end up with bladder infections during that kind of field work. There wasn’t even ONE other woman on these field trips to be my cover, you know?
The worst situation was when we were on some Islands on Lake Champlain, basically just looking at these rock outcrops with fossils of gastropods on them. I had a feeling I had just got my period, but was sort of unable to check at that moment.
I went up to my professor – and was just like, LOOK, I REALLY NEED A BATHROOM. Hint Hint (I approached him when we weren’t doing anymore field work). But he either didn’t get it, or was just being an asshole (I think it was the latter though), so then I painted it clear, “I think I just got my period.” (which felt really humiliating to do btw). It was right before finals week and the stress of it all made me get my period an entire week early (which almost NEVER happens to me, mine is like clockwork 95% of the time).
He’s like – there are some trees over there and pointed to the area where I heard four wheelers driving all over the place. I’m just like – are you serious? He’s just like “Not my problem.” What made it worse is that our class was just scattered everywhere. People were hanging out all over the place in that area. It wasn’t like the class was all standing together in a group and I could sneak off and no one would notice or happen upon me accidently. It was a situation where there were like groups of pines with three or four trees. And with those teenage boys riding around on their four wheelers made me really uncomfortable.
It really REALLY sucked to not have anything with me. I was unprepared because I got it early and just didn’t think I had to worry about it. I ended up rolling up a wad of toilet paper but the thing is – we were walking around so much, not once, but twice – the fucking paper fell down my pantleg. And on the way home from Lake Champlain (which was a 2.5 hour drive) he still refused to stop at a toilet for me. We had time to stop at a few different outcrops (and a store without a toilet) on the way home on the side of the highway, but I felt like he avoided stopping at a rest area etc on purpose. By the time we got back, I was so pissed, I almost HOPED there was a big blood stain on the seat of the van they rented (they lucked out though).
And people wonder why there aren’t more women in science… Could it be this clear and blatent disrespect? It’s like he was hell bent against accomodating women in field work. And he was pretty clear that things were going to be done, the way they were in real life, if you are working in the field. But the situation was different because if I was doing some surveying in the woods – with like one other guy, it woulda been a bit different. Nope, this was a group of like 12 guys and one woman. He didn’t even try to understand how uncomfortable it was for me.
I was so incredibly pissed off and felt so dejected after this period instance – that I didn’t even go to my graduation. Even though I was the first female to graduate with a geology degree in over ten years – I didn’t go to my graduation. I’ve never even gone back to see my professors. I handed in my finals and that was the last time I saw the assholes.
Which is pretty sad and sometimes, I feel really horrible about it. Like I sold out – like I let the men win. I let them beat me out of being interested in the field.
It isn’t that women are incapable – it’s just that most men in “male” fields of study are incapable of having any sort of empathy. And it’s not like I didn’t learn my lesson. I woulda – from that moment on – made sure that I ALWAYS brought something with me, just in case – even if I just got done with my period. And I think what made me so fucking angry about it – I never asked for a bathroom before that. In the THREE years that I was going and doing field work with these professors and all these males, I never complained about pissing in the woods. I never ONCE complained… But the ONE time, the ONE time I really NEEDED a bathroom and a tampon or pad or something, he just didn’t give a fuck.
It will come back to them though – they are getting old, and one of these days, they’ll be doing some field work and they’ll forget their depends, and they’ll have to deal with the uncomfortable feeling of their die-a-rear dripping down their pant-legs.

Snooty “intellectuals”

September 1, 2010

I can’t stand the snooty intellectuals that claim to KNOW what human nature is. It’s LAUGHABLE! Really, it is. I mean – it’s the same topic that philosophers have been trying to answer for more than 2000 years, and some snooty asshole (always male, LOL) on a video thinks HE knows what human nature is.
So what the discussion was about – really had NOTHING to do with the video (which was about Burlesque)… Some asshat decided to claim that it’s “human nature” to compete for “mates” and I made some comment about how most of the people I know who compete for “mates” are actually really insecure (and in fact, mostly they are competing for attention, not mates). And I pointed out how it was only human nature because being insecure is human nature…
Mr. Snooty intellectual didn’t like my observation… Apparently I offended his fragile peakock feather ego… He responded to my observation with this “I’m more intelligement then you” tone and basically said the same crap over again – about how it’s human nature to compete for mates because humans are biologically driven to make babies and spread their “seed”… (I’m paraphrasing, not really sure EXACTLY what he said – I mean, these comments are a dime a dozen and they tend to all blend, LOL).
What a stoop da doop. I can’t stand people who think that they are intelligent enough to define what “human nature” is, when some of the greatest minds still have not cracked the code (or never did).
And I honestly think that it’s an impossible code to crack, especially if we keep in mind all the socialization that goes on. The reason I think this “one-up” each other for male-attention (or female attention) crap has NOTHING to do with mating, biology and pro-creation, is that most of the women who try to get attention from a lot of men – don’t want most of the men they get attention from. LOL. I’ve had friends who HATED my boyfriends – yet they still wanted my boyfriends to check them out. They would consider my boyfriends ugly – yet they still wanted my boyfriends eyes on them.
What the hell does that have to do with pro-creation? NADA.
How self-important these people are though – that think they’ve cracked the code of “human nature”. It’s also laughable when they use OTHER animals to define what human nature is – yet simultaneously defend meat eating because humans are “above” other animals in intelligence.
What human nature do we use to define ALL human nature? YES, a lot of people do end up having babies, families or have this neanderthall need to “pro-create” (obviousy not everyone has kids because they’re biologically driven…) but to try and shape it up like that’s EVERY human beings nature, is just plain laughable.
Is it human nature to kill other humans or is it not? Is it human nature to kill animals, or is it not? Even most people who EAT other animals, are unwilling to kill them. SO which is it? Even most people who are against killing other human beings – are still in support of war and troops who kill in war, as well as things like the death penalty… So which is it? Human nature to kill or not to kill? Some people rape other people – is it human nature, or not?
Some would claim that it’s human nature to not hurt babies – and that it’s human nature to protect babies – yet how many people have killed, beaten or sexually molested their own babies?
Isn’t it pretty arrogent and egocentric to define human nature by your own nature?
I guess we COULD define “human nature” by what the majority of people agree on… but I am not willing to except that credo. It somewhat ignores the inclination of SOME people to go against the current. People like me. Maybe the only true “human nature” is something like a swimming bladder. But then I guess – even that definition ignores the fish who lose the school and find their own way.
I mean – how much of it is “human nature” to have lots of babies? And how much of that has to do with social conditioning? How much of it has to do with religious expansion or greed (cuz you know – rich people don’t want their money to end up in hands that are not THEIR blood). As an almost 30 year old, I can affirm that there is a lot of preasure put on women to have babies and to start families. I get it A LOT from other family memebers… and the thing is – even when I say I have no desire to have babies, they tell me that I’m just not old enough or that the urge will kick in when I get older.
If it’s in “womens nature” to have babies and raise children – why are so many women not doing it? Why are so many women having NO desire to do it? Why are so many men unwilling to provide for the children they’ve had? Why the hell do I have no desire to have children?
And really – if this asshat was wise enough to compare human nature to animal nature – you’d think he woulda picked up on the fact that it’s usually the MALES who are attracting mates – not the other way around. It’s the MALES with the colorful peacock feathers, the red bellies or the biggest horns – the males who dance and prance for the females. Genius.
He ALSO completely ignores how the OVERWHELMING majority of women who are prancing around stage either naked or half naked are actually not looking for “mates” in their audience. So what the heck does that have to do with mating? NOTHING.
How many strippers actually want to date the creeps sticking bills in their g-strings? Lets see a show of hands! LOL. I’m willing to bet my left butt cheek that most strippers don’t want anything to do with the assholes rolling into strip clubs (unless they are Brett Micheals – LOL, sorry – couldn’t stop myself with that dig).

Shelley Lubben and Research…

August 27, 2010

Okay, so I’ve been searching for dirt – and I’m just not finding any dirt on Shelley Lubben. On youtube – people keep claiming that we aren’t doing our research – right? They keep claiming that Shelley Lubben can’t be trusted or whatever, yet I can’t find any dirt.
Where are they getting THEIR research? Okay, I understand why people get annoyed sometimes, “Give me your links” or asking basic questions about feminism that can be easily found with a quick google search….if yer going to question other people’s research – you better be ready to offer up your own.
I googled her and I have found NO dirt on her. The ONLY dirt I found on her was someone who was complaining about how she doesn’t have a real degree in counseling (which WHATEVER… a lot of drug counseling is done with people who don’t have real degrees as well… So much for AA or NA etc and just about every state sanctioned drug abuse counseler).
So where is this dirt on Shelley Lubben? Seriously tattooskin – where is this research? Why are you all afraid to post your “research” in the low bar, you had to get your info that she can’t be trusted SOMEWHERE.
The messed up thing is that they don’t even say which things are not to be trusted about her (other than her believing in Christ – which is just a fundamentalist atheist knee jerk reaction). They don’t even say that she was never a porn star, they don’t even claim that she’s pocketing money… So what is this dirt?
They aren’t even saying “These testimonies are false, Shelley just made them up, they are people that never even worked in the sex industry.” They aren’t even saying that it is a lie she lost half of her cervix because of getting HPV working as a porn actress. SO what is this research that they have access to, that I can’t find ANYWHERE.
I mean, other than them being offended she’s a Christian – I can’t find anything. And seriously – I bet the worst dirt they could dig up on her – is that she spends donations on herself or something (which I doubt and WHATEVER, that kind of crap doesn’t really discredit all the other people with their testimonies on the website).
I SMELL bullshit. Unless someone can offer me up some links with GOOD CREDENTIALS – not some BS website pimping pornography out to people. Until I have hard evidence, what right do I have to assume she’s a liar and all the people she’s helped are either fake or liars as well?
Oh and there are always these claims that places like Pink Cross and a lot of the websites that are trying to reduce sex trafficking “can’t be trusted because they have an anti-porn angle and some of their funds go towards getting people to stop purchasing porn.” SO WHAT?!?!?! And where is YOUR research? Where is it? Coming straight from the multi-billion dollar porn industry? Is that the type of research YOU are willing to trust?!?! They have to be kidding, this kind of stupidity doesn’t exist in the west does it? (Dope, I guess there is that kind of stupidity).
These people make these claims – without offering ANY LINKS. Hmmmm, why is that? Why aren’t they offering any links up or THEIR research, which is so superior to my own?
It’s like any time someone mentions the horrors a lot of women face in the sex industry there has to be a stupid disclaimer pointing out, “I understand not ALL women are harmed the way these women were.” – otherwise people get their panties in a bunch. It would be like me showing up to a video about textile sweatshops and beling like, “Not all textile factories treat their employees like this.” LUDICROUS I tell ya!!
Anyway – I’d like to see any research on Shelley that people have found. Tattoo claims to read the feminists blogs from youtube, so if ya are reading this – offer up your “research” or shut up about it. Otherwise you are just acting like a bafoon.

Men are the center!!!

August 16, 2010

I think that being a feminist in a society that has embraced raunch culture can be really tiresome. I try to keep in mind that when women put men at the center of everything – it’s insecurity speaking. There are so many avenues in the media that give women the message that male attention (especially superficial, sexual attention) is to be placed on a pedestal. And then you combine that message with the message that we’ll never be “sexy” enough or “hot” enough… It’s enough to make the most intelligent, most secure women doubt themselves.

I have known SOOOOOOOO MANY women who I LOVED being around when no men were in the room (including my own biological sister), but then the second a penis walked into the room, I became invisible. It’s hard, REALLY hard, not to be offended – especially if they specifically pine for attention from the guy you happen to be dating. I know that personally, I feel really hurt by it. It’s a slap in the face, even when you understand it. One of the reasons I’ve rarely fell into drama about this shit though, is because I understand it – even if that behavior is really annoying to me.

I don’t get jealous, I’m not the type of woman that is OMG, my boyfriend checked you out, I HATE you now! But I get offended by being treated like that, by other women. Why do women do that? Why is getting some guys male gaze more important than how we treat other women? Why is a man thinking your hot, more important than how other women look on at your character?

You wanna know why this male gaze shit will NEVER be a security gainer? Because the same men you pined for attention from – will give other women attention, so what do you actually gain other than being one of the million? I see women pining for attention from men in relationships with their friends and it always boggles my mind. I mean – what do women gain from that? If he cheats on his girlfriend and you “one-up” her – some other woman is just going to “one-up” you AND you lost a good friend cuz of it. Because clearly if the guy is willing to sneak around on the woman he was with when YOU hooked up with him, he’s going to be willing to do it to you. It doesn’t mean you are “special” – it means that your friend happened to be dating a sneaky asshole. Or if a woman is just trying to get her friends boyfriend to check her out, what does she gain from it? I mean – women who don’t think other women pick up on this behavior are stupid. We see it, we get it and none of us really appreciate it – even if we aren’t willing to start a bunch of drama about it. IOW – is a male gaze worth women secretly disliking you and finding ways to avoid you? Because that’s where I end up – avoiding. I’ll avoid hanging out with such women in places where men are around… Because I want to connect on a real level. I WANT to have some good laughs and talk about things we generally don’t talk about around men.
It’s bad enough, you know – that when I’m hanging out in a room with all men – that I’m constantly being interrupted and talked over…. And to have that element when another woman is in the room is so fucking depressing to me (it’s ALSO a very VERY happy moment when I meet women who focus on talking to me in a room full of men). Not only do the men ignore the women but the other women ignore the other women (women are meant to be seen and not heard, right?). Why is it like that? Actually, nevermind, I know why it’s like that but how do we change it?
HOW do we convince women to rise above that petty shit? I know that the world would run a bit smoother (as well as female friendships/relationships) if we could rise above it. Not to mention – I think it would GREATLY improve relationships between the genders as well.

Inspired by these two videos:

Very toubled for a friend (trigger warning!)

August 2, 2010

I have just become quite good friends with someone and am finding out all of this horrific shit that is going on with her and her boyfriend. He’s a controlling, abusive, porn addicted asshole…. And I really don’t know how to respond to her other than what she usually gets, “Get the fuck out of it!” But she informed me that this is the first relationship she’s been in, where she’s actually scared to leave (which complicates things cuz if the guy might come after you, when you leave, well – it’s gotta be handled differently).

So some of the things he does: TRIGGER WARNING, I REPEAT, TRIGGER WARNING

He rips up her clothes if she’s not home when he wants her home, but then calls her a stupid cunt for not dressing pretty for him, but then if she does dress pretty for him – he accuses her of dressing pretty for other men.
He forces her to take naps with him when he’s in the mood to nap.
He forces her to watch porn with him, even though she finds it degrading and he knows it – he’ll also accuse her of viewing his porn without him, while he’s at work.
He cheats on her all the time and justifies it because she has a “slutty” past.
He makes fun of her for being sexually abused by her father and raped by two men on vacation.
He caused her to lose her job because he would call her at work pissed off and yelling (complete with verbal abuse).
He now verbally abuses her for not having a job, and if she goes to look for a job and isn’t home by the time he is – there is hell to pay by the time she gets home.
But the part that scares me more than anything – he’s choked her out before. And to make things worse for her – his parents showed up and blamed HER for it, and told her that she probably deserved it.

After he does these things to her – of course he’s all apologetic and sensitive about it – which sucks. I wish these asshole men, would just be assholes all the time because it would make it easier for women like this to get away.

It’s making me sick. I mean – I’m telling her that she should get the hell outta that relationship but I can’t force her. I wish I could. But I can’t, so I’m being her one support right now – which is quite exhausting to be honest. I’ve never delt with someone being in this sort of abuse situation. I’m worried I’ll either push her to leave too hard and she’ll be defiant but I’m also afraid of not pushing her hard enough to the point where I’m enabling her to stay… It’s a sticky line to walk…… I think hearing someone say to her “It is NOT okay, the way he is treating you.” is helping a lot – especially because he has his parents JUSTIFYING this fucking behavior. When she sees GROWN ADULTS acting like this is okay – it might make her question herself a bit. Especially with her past and she’s still quite young (21)… I think I’m chippin’ away at the wall and she trusts me…Hopefully she’ll get to the point where she trusts my judgement on the matter.

Any recommendations? What can I say? What can I do? As of now, I think her having someone to discuss it with is helping her move towards what she should do (leave) but man, this sucks! It breaks my heart. The next time I see her (which may be tomorrow) – I’m offering my services in the sense that I’ll go pick her and her things up during the week when he’s at work – if she decides she wants to leave (which I think is the only safe way to remove her from the situation). I haven’t had a chance to say that to her… If only abusive assholes came with signs….

An old friend of mine…. On HLS

July 8, 2010

When I lived in Philadelphia, I hung out with some of the people from SHAC (Stop Huntingdon Animal Cruelty). They were so successful in their campaign to shut down HLS – that they prompted the Bush administration to change the Animal Enterprise Terrorist Act (which previously only included damaging property or harming people). They did not do anything wrong, they only exercised their right to freedom of speech – they had gotten so many investors for HLS to pull out that HLS was (or did?) about to claim bankruptcy. Anyway, check it out. He tells what was up better. I miss my philly friends, I hope at some point they decide to come up north and hike Mt Washington with me again 🙂 Haven’t done that since 2003.

http://vimeo.com/13182566