Archive for the ‘egocentric’ Category

Snooty “intellectuals”

September 1, 2010

I can’t stand the snooty intellectuals that claim to KNOW what human nature is. It’s LAUGHABLE! Really, it is. I mean – it’s the same topic that philosophers have been trying to answer for more than 2000 years, and some snooty asshole (always male, LOL) on a video thinks HE knows what human nature is.
So what the discussion was about – really had NOTHING to do with the video (which was about Burlesque)… Some asshat decided to claim that it’s “human nature” to compete for “mates” and I made some comment about how most of the people I know who compete for “mates” are actually really insecure (and in fact, mostly they are competing for attention, not mates). And I pointed out how it was only human nature because being insecure is human nature…
Mr. Snooty intellectual didn’t like my observation… Apparently I offended his fragile peakock feather ego… He responded to my observation with this “I’m more intelligement then you” tone and basically said the same crap over again – about how it’s human nature to compete for mates because humans are biologically driven to make babies and spread their “seed”… (I’m paraphrasing, not really sure EXACTLY what he said – I mean, these comments are a dime a dozen and they tend to all blend, LOL).
What a stoop da doop. I can’t stand people who think that they are intelligent enough to define what “human nature” is, when some of the greatest minds still have not cracked the code (or never did).
And I honestly think that it’s an impossible code to crack, especially if we keep in mind all the socialization that goes on. The reason I think this “one-up” each other for male-attention (or female attention) crap has NOTHING to do with mating, biology and pro-creation, is that most of the women who try to get attention from a lot of men – don’t want most of the men they get attention from. LOL. I’ve had friends who HATED my boyfriends – yet they still wanted my boyfriends to check them out. They would consider my boyfriends ugly – yet they still wanted my boyfriends eyes on them.
What the hell does that have to do with pro-creation? NADA.
How self-important these people are though – that think they’ve cracked the code of “human nature”. It’s also laughable when they use OTHER animals to define what human nature is – yet simultaneously defend meat eating because humans are “above” other animals in intelligence.
What human nature do we use to define ALL human nature? YES, a lot of people do end up having babies, families or have this neanderthall need to “pro-create” (obviousy not everyone has kids because they’re biologically driven…) but to try and shape it up like that’s EVERY human beings nature, is just plain laughable.
Is it human nature to kill other humans or is it not? Is it human nature to kill animals, or is it not? Even most people who EAT other animals, are unwilling to kill them. SO which is it? Even most people who are against killing other human beings – are still in support of war and troops who kill in war, as well as things like the death penalty… So which is it? Human nature to kill or not to kill? Some people rape other people – is it human nature, or not?
Some would claim that it’s human nature to not hurt babies – and that it’s human nature to protect babies – yet how many people have killed, beaten or sexually molested their own babies?
Isn’t it pretty arrogent and egocentric to define human nature by your own nature?
I guess we COULD define “human nature” by what the majority of people agree on… but I am not willing to except that credo. It somewhat ignores the inclination of SOME people to go against the current. People like me. Maybe the only true “human nature” is something like a swimming bladder. But then I guess – even that definition ignores the fish who lose the school and find their own way.
I mean – how much of it is “human nature” to have lots of babies? And how much of that has to do with social conditioning? How much of it has to do with religious expansion or greed (cuz you know – rich people don’t want their money to end up in hands that are not THEIR blood). As an almost 30 year old, I can affirm that there is a lot of preasure put on women to have babies and to start families. I get it A LOT from other family memebers… and the thing is – even when I say I have no desire to have babies, they tell me that I’m just not old enough or that the urge will kick in when I get older.
If it’s in “womens nature” to have babies and raise children – why are so many women not doing it? Why are so many women having NO desire to do it? Why are so many men unwilling to provide for the children they’ve had? Why the hell do I have no desire to have children?
And really – if this asshat was wise enough to compare human nature to animal nature – you’d think he woulda picked up on the fact that it’s usually the MALES who are attracting mates – not the other way around. It’s the MALES with the colorful peacock feathers, the red bellies or the biggest horns – the males who dance and prance for the females. Genius.
He ALSO completely ignores how the OVERWHELMING majority of women who are prancing around stage either naked or half naked are actually not looking for “mates” in their audience. So what the heck does that have to do with mating? NOTHING.
How many strippers actually want to date the creeps sticking bills in their g-strings? Lets see a show of hands! LOL. I’m willing to bet my left butt cheek that most strippers don’t want anything to do with the assholes rolling into strip clubs (unless they are Brett Micheals – LOL, sorry – couldn’t stop myself with that dig).

A Tiny Point about “choice”

January 22, 2010

When people bring up the point of “choice” in terms of pornography – a thought usually comes into my mind…

Do we have to back people up on their choices?  REALLY? Doesn’t that seem a bit………..compliant? Isn’t that just a cop-out?  Not all choices are created equal!!!

I’m not going to bother explaining the dynamics of “choice” when it comes to sex work because as radical feminists – we’ve jumped through these loops before…

What I’m making a point about is that even if a woman chooses FULLY to be in pornography (and I mean – they have other options for income, are educated) – why should people expect me to back up their choices? Especially when those choices have created a world of hell for ME (and other women who don’t want to conform to the mass marketed, male-centric, generic female sexuality).

And is that even a justification for buying pornography?  A lot of men (esp. MRAs) try to justify their porn use because the women in porn made the choice to do it…. But my point is – that doesn’t really address ANY of the points radical feminists make. And let’s be honest – the “choices” these women make in doing porn are not at all the reasons men view it.  A woman’s choice to do porn has nothing to do with a mans choice to consume it. They are completely full of it when they try and claim that had any driving force in their decision to consume it.

A lot of people “choose” to be heroin/crack/coke etc addicts.  Are you going to give them money to keep up their habit based on the idea that they made a choice to live with those addictions? Are you gonna pat them on the back and say, “good for you buddy, stand by your choices!” (couldn’t a drug dealer use that same twist?) Should we not care, simply because they chose that road OR would you admit that it is a poor choice and refuse to feed that persons addiction? I’m not trying to claim that being a porn actress is addictive (though with the way women talk about how hard “getting out” of the industry is – it does sometimes seem that way). I’m just making the point that not all decisions are good, not all decisions are healthy – for individuals or society at large.  Would you hand all your money over to someone who started a war, just because it is a “choice” someone made? because I think pornography is war against women; I full-heartedly believe that it is a backlash of womens’ advancement in society. I use that example because while women might be actually choosing to do porn in many situations –  other women, didn’t choose to have to deal with it. Just as the women in wars didn’t choose to have their kids murdered, or deal with wars in their back yards. There are children in this world that didn’t choose to be exposed to pornography (and people who think children are protected from it are not thinking it through enough – it’s easy enough for a kid to lie about their birth date and get into porn sites). There are responsible choices and there ones that are completely ridiculous. Like being in a porn isn’t necessary an irresponsible choice but if you are in a porn, allowing degrading things to happen to you for mass marketing – it is an irresponsible choice (when and if, it is one). And I think I have every right to believe that. Just like I think factory farming (and the way all farm animals are treated) is irresponsible.  And I think the consumers are just as at  fault as the owners of such farms. They are saying “it’s okay to treat animals like this and I back up that decision and I will even give you my money to continue.” Men and women buying porn where women are being degraded are basically saying the same thing. They are saying it is okay to treat women like this. And what irritates me beyond belief is how people just stop there. They never ask WHY a woman might like to be treated like that?  They never stop to wonder why THEY might like to see women being treated like that (rarely do people ask themselves why they might like things they like – probably because the answers say horrible shit about them)… They never ask why or what if (like what if that was me in that scene?). This is exactly why I think purchasing degrading pornography is an irresponsible choice – people don’t ask themselves enough questions – they’d rather wallow in denial (as many meat/animal product eaters).

Like someone choosing to call a woman a “bitch” on television. It’s their choice to use that word but it really does have an effect on the person being called a bitch and the people who watch it – especially when it’s prevalent – it can affect people’s attitudes and maybe they’ll be quicker to draw that gun in a show down. Does someone using derogatory slurs get a free ticket, simply because it’s a choice they made? Or what about choosing to be racist? Is that cool or is there room for criticism in someone’s choice to hate people based on their ethnic background?

I’m not gonna get all paternalistic on women in sex work or anything… I’m just saying – why should I be expected to back up their decisions? I criticize our government. I criticize men. I criticize experiences. I criticize animal enterprises. I criticize magazines. I criticize beauty products. I criticize other things women seem to like or comply with. Why do women who choose sex work think that their choice is above criticism? Heck, I even scrutinize some of the things we have in this shop… Like Jute webbing made in Indonesia. When something needs that much protection, it makes me even more skeptical. 

It’s like with George W. Bush passing the  “animal enterprise terrorist act.”  – he was attempting to bar animal rights activists from criticizing the industries at all (also trying to become a dictator and prevent true capitalism from existing) – which basically makes me more skeptical of them. Get what I mean? The ironic part is that you can tell when you are dealing with a sex worker that actually chose to do sex work, because they are always the ones trying to prevent any thoughtful discussion on sex work (IOW – they don’t want to hear about any of the negatives – even when we’ve heard about them from other fellow sex workers) – simply because it is freedom for them – the women who aren’t free don’t matter.  But the women who don’t have a choice – always seem more than happy to expose that industry for what it is. They are the ones who aren’t afraid of admitting to the public how hard that line of work is. They are more willing to admit the psychological/physical costs for doing it. It also makes me think that people assume if you criticize porn – you are criticizing THEM. One of my major pet-peeves. I don’t get up tight when people criticize cigarette smoking or baggy pants on women (though the latter is just ridiculous to me).

I’d criticize people who use the word whore (and few would argue with me) – but for some reason, it isn’t cool for me to criticize women who voluntarily screw on video with a title like “slutty whores.”  Do we really live in a society where we can criticize just about anything that is anti-woman BUT pornography?  And all of the “sex-positive” feminists are happy to ignore the titles of mainstream porn, they are willing to ignore that CLEAR bias in the horrible treatment of the women – all in the name of “choice”.  Apparently women are only allowed to have one “choice” in how they view pornography and how it affects their sex. I get so  tired of hearing “but but but women do it by choice, so it’s good! It’s pro-woman!!!!”

I refuse to be silenced here. It is their “choice” to do this line of work but it’s also my choice to denounce it. Because honestly – it’s a horrible profession. There is NOTHING about sex work that makes me think ” Glamorous, let me jump up on that horse.”  You have sex with nasty dudes, that you don’t want. You have to pretend to like it – even if they smell like sweaty balls and rancid meat (and being cardio isn’t a good enough reason to erase THAT). That alone, ignoring issues of consent (and blacklisting) and all of the degrading things women do in mainstream porn, is enough for me to think that profession sucks (no pun). The only women who get to choose their clients, are the women who actually have a choice in prostituting or pornography (and even Jenna Jameson discusses how she had to have sex with guys that she found 100% repulsive – https://againstpornography.org/jennapornstarmyth.html). But for the majority of prostitutes – this is NOT the case.

This is why I get so peeved when people try to equate this line of work, with other lines of work.  I don’t have to have sex with my bosses. I’m not told I’d get paid more if only I’d degrade myself a bit more. I don’t have to be INTIMATE with my bosses, peers, co-workers etc at all. I have to deal with them, yes… But I don’t have to have their cocks in my holes. I might have to put on a happy face and tolerate people I might not necessarily like but thankfully, I don’t have to touch them or feel them and pretend to love it.

I actually don’t judge women who don’t choose to do prostitution or porn at all. Not a bit. I don’t judge them because they are making do with whatever means they got. And this is why I am all for decriminalization of prostitution (besides, it’s ridiculous that porn is legal when it’s really just prostitution on video, if anything – it should be the other way around). Because I recognize that the MAJORITY of women who do it – didn’t choose to do it (especially if the average age for a woman to get into prostitution is 14 – I don’t consider that a choice). I tend to favor the swedish model.

Perception and values….

November 17, 2009

One thing that I get endlessly tired of is men who accuse me of being a misogynist, simply because I don’t like the random girl they decided to date that month (if you HAVE to have me like your girlfriend, try picking one that isn’t superficial).

I’ve had male friends whom dated girls that I would probably never have been friends with in any other context and when it came about (usually from someone trying to start to kiss another’s arse) that I didn’t like that girl – shit would hit the fan.

The first girl this situation came about with was the type of girl who was obsessed with male attention. It wasn’t that she graciously took compliments from men and that men were constantly into her or anything – but she constantly did things, said things etc to drum up male attention and it got on my nerves.  She was one of those girls that claimed to be bi-sexual but never actually dated women but rather, made out with women in front of men (I think you get my point).

We were all hanging out once and this same girl stated loud enough for me to hear, “I hate feminists.”  I’m not sure that she was aware of the fact that I consider myself a feminist but just hearing her say that made me grind my teeth – mostly because I know WHY she was saying it and that she probably didn’t mean it at all. She was saying it because she was hoping a bunch of guys would kiss her ass after it (a prime example of where many women think male opinions matter more than female opinions).  There were other times where she would do and say things that she KNEW would make me feel uncomfortable – like suggest a group porn watching session (being fully aware about my stance on pornography).  She constantly bragged about watching porn and erotica – and the only reason I figure she had to bring it up all the time was simply to make it seem like she was the “cool chick” – you know, the “cool chick” that watches porn with her boyfriends.

And aside from that shit, which is pretty regular shit that comes from women who know NOTHING about feminism – she pissed me off because she was a poser. She was one of those, “I listen to rap, techno etc” girls but then when she started dating a metal head, all of a sudden, she acted like she loved metal and tried to dress all “black metal” (all black, fishnet stockings, miniskirts with her asscheeks hanging out etc).  As a woman who actually likes metal – I get extremely tired of dealing with scene girls (groupies) who really don’t give a rats ass about the music and just pretend to love it to, you guessed it, drum up male attention. They are pretty easy to spot because they can’t just wear a metal t-shirt and feel like they are supporting the scene – they have to dress all “sexy” (in the alternative, suicide girls’ type way).  Okay – I’m not shaming women who decide to dress that way – they have the right to do it if they want – but I honestly – to the CORE of my mind – think that it comes off as desparate. Desparation is something I pity – not hate.

And really – the last straw I had with this girl was when she was trying to drum up sexual attention from my boyfriend.  It’s annoying enough to be hanging out with a bunch of guys and have to deal with one girl there who has to be the center of sexual attention all the time (which isn’t an uncommon scenerio) but when she’s trying to be the sexual center of MY BOYFRIEND’S attention, that’s when I took issue with her (personal issue). 

I also felt as though she’s racist. Did I mention the girl referred to her black male friends as her “chocolate boyz”. It always disgusted me. And she’d try and defend it because her friends didn’t care but the thing is – a lot of other people felt offended by it (like one of MY friends). It reminds me of those white fuckers who think it’s okay to say the n-word because they have a couple of friends who are cool with it. Guess what? Not all black people are down with that, not all blacks think it’s cute to refer to themselves as such. She also tried to use the “exotic” ticket with my friend – saying that she’s beautiful because she is black – not because she’s simply a beautiful person… Funk dat. The very fact that you have to make the distinction at all is a red flag. Whatever pasty poser (that’s how I refer to women/men who say racist shit but then justify it by saying they have black friends or dated black people). haha

Anyway – when this guy, seeing this girl, found out that I didn’t like his girlfriend, he decided to hold a meeting – simply to ostracize me for not liking his girlfriend AT THE BAR I FREQUENTED then. To add to it – he had to claim that I didn’t like her because I was jealous (why am I not surprised at this one?). He tried to make it out that I don’t like any girls who are as attractive as me because I’m angry that they are stealing all of that “sacred” (*snort) male attention away from me. For one – I never felt that that girl is more attractive than me or less attractive. I honestly didn’t give a fuck – her behavior was annoying and I shouldn’t have to pretend to be “down” with it to make other people feel comfortable with their shitty choices in human beings. Because literally – the second this guy left the room, she’d be strippin’ down to nearly nothing and layin’ on the flirtations very thick with every other guy in the room.

It was a fucking slap in the face because for one: that asshole KNEW that I didn’t give a fucking rats ass about getting male attention – I just didn’t want her sticking her ass and boobs in my boyfriends face, it felt like she was disrespecting me (I actually wasn’t worried about my boyfriend because he finds sexually aggressive women scary, haha). He tried to FORCE me into apologizing to her for not liking her.  He didn’t even TRY to talk to his girlfriend about her behavior and/or why it was rubbing me the wrong way – even after I explained it to him. I certainly would have explained it to her myself if I thought it would matter but I knew it wouldn’t. That was fairly evident when she lied and denied ever trying to get sexual attention from my boyfriend. My perspective in that entire situation was TOTALLY ignored. He even was like, “I know she never did that shit.” – it’s like, “thanks for calling me a liar dude” – every guy there up against me in that situation KNEW SHE WAS DOING THAT SHIT and not ONE of them defended me or agreed that her behavior was not very trust-worthy (even when she was caught on VIDEO making out with other guys and people finally told him all the other guys she had been sneakin’ around with – no one apologized to me for my concerns). 

Note: I’m not shaming her for sleeping around with a lot of guys –  I was calling her out for deceiving someone (a close friend of mine, at the time) who had it in his head that they were in a monogomous relationship. I didn’t have proof that she was cheating but her behavior sent red flags left and right.

Then he dated another girl who was similar to the girl he dated last and she was almost as annoying but probably not as much. The only reason she wasn’t as annoying was simply that she wasn’t as loud and as intrusive but she was a poser, none the less. When I first met her – she was all into wearing pink and girly colors by the end of that encounter – she was wearing black and trying really hard to be metal all the time (including the gauntlets she started wearing, ick).  

I still gave her a chance though – even though I had the creeping suspicion that this girl was just as much a poser as the last… When she started posting her naked “modeling” pics on myspace, I started liking her less.  For one – I think it comes off as totally conceited and guess what? I don’t like conceited people – whether they are male or female. If a guy had 3 HUGE pictures of himself on his profile page where he was trying to be super sexy, along with like 300 pictures of himself in the photos section, I would think, “Fucking conceited loser, this guy is obsessed with himself.”  For some reason – if I think it’s the same for women to do that shit, I get stereotyped as being jealous, catty etc. On her profile she brags about being creative, inventive etc And that’s the thing too – none of her modeling shoots were creative, none of them were anything new or inventive – they were the same tired photos with the “come fuck me” face.  She even did a bunch of those “violence against women” type shoots – where she pretended to be the victim of violence in her photos in a “sexy” way (way to go! Another asshole trying to eroticize violence against women).

So many women never stop to think about the opinions other women might have of the choices they make (like women who have been sexually assaulted and see nothing sexy about it). THEY even think that the male opinions hold more water – which is why I don’t have respect for it. I know that the major reason this girl has a million pictures of herself on myspace is because she is desparate for male attention, she needs people to feed her ego, she falsely gains her self-esteem via all of the guys, “yer hawt” comments. I am simpathetic as far as that goes, becaues I know that it is a self-esteem issue. I imagine it is for ANYONE who needs to have their picture, videos etc circulating through the population.

What really irritated me was when she decided to do a nude photo of herself pretending to have sex with a big ole cross. Fuck her. I hate religion, I’m not religious but I was brought up catholic… and that kind of shit is being totally assholeish. It’s one thing to totally critique religion – point out the strong/weak points but it’s quite another to insult it and totally mock the very things other people consider sacred.

Made me want to take a big shit in her cosmetics.

I have no desire to be friends with someone who claims that she is all creative but then goes and rips off the exorcist just because she thinks it will give all of those “alternative” boyz a boner. AT least when punk rock started using upside down crosses – there was a legit reason for it being backwards – and that was the general attitude that religion is backwards. I get the irony, I understand the symbolism behind an upside down cross but pretending to have sex with a cross?  Where is the symbolism in that? It’s just an attempt to be crude – as most porn tends to be. Yeah, maybe being crude is someone’s right under the first amendment but that won’t stop me from pointing out that it’s pathetic. I also went to some of the pages her photographers had and guess what? ALL of their models were in the same exact poses in separate pictures. I was just like WTF? Any self-respecting, ARTISTIC photographer isn’t going to keep creating the same imagery over and over and YET over again.

I use to have fun with one of my exes who would take me outside and we’d do some pictures but the thing is – I wasn’t trying to be “sexy” – nor was I trying to get naked either. I had a few of me FAR AWAY in a corn field. Another one is a picture of me on a bridge – letting a drag out from my cigarrette. So there is this pig puff of smoke covering my face. I’ve done other pictures that were simply about subject placement and coming up with interesting compositions. I think modeling CAN BE creative but 99.99% of it is the same tired, boring bullshit and only about creating boners, rather than perspectives.

The best part about this situation was that my boyfriend ended up getting into a huge argument with this girls’ boyfriend. So I at least wasn’t ostracized this time for not liking something, I simply just don’t like.

I still got called a bunch of names though – a woman hater, jealous etc etc etc (because men really can’t hold themselves back from gossiping – I confided in one of those assholes about not being excited about this girl and of course they had to run and tell). But isn’t it true that a true misogynist believes that a woman can’t possibly make rational decisions on her own? I mean, shit, women can’t decide which other women they like and want to be friends with! And there is NO possible way that women don’t like each other for any other reason than that they are jealous (that’s sarcasm, in case it wasn’t obvious). Oh and good looking women ALWAYS come with equivelant personalities (haha).

The whole situation really enraged me because I was accused of being a misogynist by people who don’t even know the term misogynist – and then to support their view that I’m a misogynist, they used a bunch of false stereotypes about women to make their point.  It NEVER crossed their minds that maybe I don’t want to be friends with people who treat me like shit and whom can’t be bothered to think beyond their own selfish needs and ends? Maybe I felt that I would be happier without the appearence obsessed women and men in my life?  I mean – I dated a guy who was obsessed with how he looked and he would always tell me I should get breast implants. I’ve also had friends in the past who would constantly ridicule how I dress and present myself and it would knock me down into depression. They couldn’t figure out that maybe I had no interest in that girl and that I actually didn’t hate her at all. Which is true. I don’t hate her, I didn’t even hate the girl before – I’m just not going to pretend to be friends with people who really rub me the wrong way and basically move against everything I move towards. My reasons for avoiding certain types of people (mostly superficial, appearence obsessed) is because they are like poison. If people like that destroy my self-esteem, what is the point in dealing with them?

Which is why I stopped being friends with those guys and why I’m more skeptical than ever of men.  I’ve always been one of those girls that guys consider “one of the guys” (although, they certainly don’t treat their female “guys” as an equal to their REAL guy friends). I always MOSTLY had male friends but after this insident – I woke up. I woke up and realized that men actually are assholes, self-centered assholes who when it comes down to it – treat women like sexbots that can’t make decisions for themselves. I decided that I would be happier without their shitty paternalism.

In the end – I actually disliked those guys more than the women they were dating. I can at least understand women who are obsessed with male attention (because of social pressures and both of the women in these situations were almost 10 yrs younger than me) – but I can’t relate to most men because they clearly don’t see women as equals.  They say they do, but they don’t. It took me a while to realize it but they treated me differently.  They called each other and I called them but rarely was I called. They also respected each others’ opinions and didn’t use shitty stereotypes to knock each other down – even when they had some of the same complaints I had.

I treated those guys like my brothers, hung out with them A LOT and after all of that, they go around saying that women can’t be trusted…. Well you know what – men can’t be trusted to treat women like real people who have a right to form their own opinions. And in the minds of those guys – I couldn’t be trusted, simply because I was unwilling to comply with their views. Fuck them. That ain’t punk rock. In fact, it’s too mainstream for my taste…

And what boils my blood, to the CORE in all of these situations is that no one else was expected to be friends with these annoying women. None of the guys were expected to be BFFs with them but I was, simply because I was born with a vagina and she was born with a vagina. Great fucking logic.