Archive for the ‘anti-porn’ Category

Sexual Hang-ups?

October 5, 2010

You GOTTA love the asshole pro-sex trade people that try to paint us as if we have sexual hang-ups. I got a question, what the hell is a sexual hang-up? Not being turned on by feet? Not getting off on females being gagged with penii? Seriously – what the hell IS a sexual hang-up? And why do you think it’s “sex-positive” for shaming people who do not adhere to YOUR brand of “sexuality” (or your force-fed, mass produced, poppy culture brand of “I’m-to-dumb-to-think-for-myself” type sexuality)? Talk about being complete fucking narcissists!
And you know – they are ALWAYS the first to shame someone who’s asexual, or someone who’s not ready to have sex in their 20’s, cuz like OMG, that MUST mean “sexual hang-up.” (apparently worrying about STDs or not desiring complete strangers is a sexual hang-up). Some feminist made a comment about how it was stupid for women to use cleavage to get subscribers on youtube – and she was accused of having a sexual hang-up for it! LOL. It seems to me that some people just can’t handle ANY kind of criticism – and usually they can’t handle such criticism cuz it’s fucking true.
These people aren’t really sex positive, it’s a load of crap! In MY mind – “sex positive” would include being receptive to people who are asexual, or who aren’t fucking everything that walks. People who consider their anus an exit only hole, or even the people who consider their vaginas exit only. People who are squeamish of having a penis in their mouth… All of these sexualities should be celebrated, no? Wouldn’t that be the TRUE defintion of sex positive feminism? Apparently being slapped and called a dumb cunt is the ONLY TRUE positive sex.
They use this fucked up line to try and destroy the credibility of ANYONE who has some good critique. I know that I’ve been accused of having sexual hang-ups in comment threads because I pointed out that the way females are presented in pornographic films (for the most part) has NOTHING to do with female sexuality. So I AM the one with a sexual hang-up because I have the AUDACITY to notice that merely every position shown in pornography does NOTHING to stimulate a female? Yeah… that’s rich. I guess I’m pretty sexually hung-up to know my own body and make the silly assumption that womens bodies are fairly similar (though I realize things vary quite a bit as well). I guess I’m sexually hung-up for pointing out that anal sex doesn’t bring a woman to orgasm or even make her wet… I actually got that response from a guy when I asked the question “Why aren’t men being railed up the asses in hetero mainstream porn, at least they got prostates!” Which is just a thought I constantly come back to because it seems really ass-backwards… Seems to me that straight men are the ones with sexual hang-ups. LOL (not that I have any desire to penetrate a man anally). The asshole tried to justify it and be like, “well some straight men DO like takin one up the rear.” The frickin’ goof couldn’t come up with a good reason why it’s NEVER SHOWN IN HETERO PORN.
And some asshole decides to come and tell me that a lot of women are turned on by anal sex when their clit is stimulated… and I couldn’t help myself – I’m like – don’t you think she’s REALLY being turned by the clitoral stimuli, not the cock in her ass?!?!!?! If a woman does not like being fucked anally without some clitoral stimuli – doesn’t it make you wonder how people can claim that some women are turned on by anal? God, Holy Almighty – I MUST be sexually hung up for asking such questions!!! Why don’t I just shut the fuck up and take one up the ass for da boyz?
If we are going to play the “you are sexual hung-up” game – lets look at just HOW sexually hung up the average porn user actually is… For example – what about women who have anal sex – even though they complain about how bad it hurts? Call me crazy – but doesn’t that seem like a sexual hang-up? I personally think that anyone who feels the NEED to have uncomfortable sex to please whoever, is basically sexually hung-up. They are letting OTHERS define their own sexuality or maybe they are allowing others to not even recognize they have a sexuality that isn’t pre-packaged.. Or what about the people who view so much porn and let it brainwash them to the point that they can’t even get it up for their long-time partner anymore? Isn’t THAT a sexual hang-up?
Or what about the men who get off on women being treated like shit, like the rugs they wipe their feet on? Aren’t they sexually hung-up if they need to fantasize about treating another human being like that to get off? Or what about the people who think that sex and pornography are the same thing or think that strippers are turned on by stripping? Or what about the people who think that if you criticize push-up bras, you are criticizing sex? Aren’t these people sexually hung-up? It seems to me that they don’t even know what sex is. LOL
I’m not really trying to define what a sexual hang-up is but it seems to me that if one is “sex-positive” – than all forms of sexuality must be respected – even the forms of sexuality that are disgusted with this representation of female sexuality commonly found in pornography. Or the people who just have no desire to fuck.
I mean, here’s what I think – anytime someone accuses ANOTHER peron of having a “sexual hang-up” they are fucking projecting their own issues onto other people. Not being horny is NOT a sexual hang-up, hating pornography and being disgusted with it is NOT a sexual hang-up. Not being willing to give up your own body to men, to do whatever they want with it – is NOT a sexual hang-up.
And seriously – I DARE anyone to prove how being disgusted with porn and with how women are being tortured in the sex trade has ANYTHING at all to do with “sexual hang-ups.”

Shelley Lubben and Research…

August 27, 2010

Okay, so I’ve been searching for dirt – and I’m just not finding any dirt on Shelley Lubben. On youtube – people keep claiming that we aren’t doing our research – right? They keep claiming that Shelley Lubben can’t be trusted or whatever, yet I can’t find any dirt.
Where are they getting THEIR research? Okay, I understand why people get annoyed sometimes, “Give me your links” or asking basic questions about feminism that can be easily found with a quick google search….if yer going to question other people’s research – you better be ready to offer up your own.
I googled her and I have found NO dirt on her. The ONLY dirt I found on her was someone who was complaining about how she doesn’t have a real degree in counseling (which WHATEVER… a lot of drug counseling is done with people who don’t have real degrees as well… So much for AA or NA etc and just about every state sanctioned drug abuse counseler).
So where is this dirt on Shelley Lubben? Seriously tattooskin – where is this research? Why are you all afraid to post your “research” in the low bar, you had to get your info that she can’t be trusted SOMEWHERE.
The messed up thing is that they don’t even say which things are not to be trusted about her (other than her believing in Christ – which is just a fundamentalist atheist knee jerk reaction). They don’t even say that she was never a porn star, they don’t even claim that she’s pocketing money… So what is this dirt?
They aren’t even saying “These testimonies are false, Shelley just made them up, they are people that never even worked in the sex industry.” They aren’t even saying that it is a lie she lost half of her cervix because of getting HPV working as a porn actress. SO what is this research that they have access to, that I can’t find ANYWHERE.
I mean, other than them being offended she’s a Christian – I can’t find anything. And seriously – I bet the worst dirt they could dig up on her – is that she spends donations on herself or something (which I doubt and WHATEVER, that kind of crap doesn’t really discredit all the other people with their testimonies on the website).
I SMELL bullshit. Unless someone can offer me up some links with GOOD CREDENTIALS – not some BS website pimping pornography out to people. Until I have hard evidence, what right do I have to assume she’s a liar and all the people she’s helped are either fake or liars as well?
Oh and there are always these claims that places like Pink Cross and a lot of the websites that are trying to reduce sex trafficking “can’t be trusted because they have an anti-porn angle and some of their funds go towards getting people to stop purchasing porn.” SO WHAT?!?!?! And where is YOUR research? Where is it? Coming straight from the multi-billion dollar porn industry? Is that the type of research YOU are willing to trust?!?! They have to be kidding, this kind of stupidity doesn’t exist in the west does it? (Dope, I guess there is that kind of stupidity).
These people make these claims – without offering ANY LINKS. Hmmmm, why is that? Why aren’t they offering any links up or THEIR research, which is so superior to my own?
It’s like any time someone mentions the horrors a lot of women face in the sex industry there has to be a stupid disclaimer pointing out, “I understand not ALL women are harmed the way these women were.” – otherwise people get their panties in a bunch. It would be like me showing up to a video about textile sweatshops and beling like, “Not all textile factories treat their employees like this.” LUDICROUS I tell ya!!
Anyway – I’d like to see any research on Shelley that people have found. Tattoo claims to read the feminists blogs from youtube, so if ya are reading this – offer up your “research” or shut up about it. Otherwise you are just acting like a bafoon.

A Tiny Point about “choice”

January 22, 2010

When people bring up the point of “choice” in terms of pornography – a thought usually comes into my mind…

Do we have to back people up on their choices?  REALLY? Doesn’t that seem a bit………..compliant? Isn’t that just a cop-out?  Not all choices are created equal!!!

I’m not going to bother explaining the dynamics of “choice” when it comes to sex work because as radical feminists – we’ve jumped through these loops before…

What I’m making a point about is that even if a woman chooses FULLY to be in pornography (and I mean – they have other options for income, are educated) – why should people expect me to back up their choices? Especially when those choices have created a world of hell for ME (and other women who don’t want to conform to the mass marketed, male-centric, generic female sexuality).

And is that even a justification for buying pornography?  A lot of men (esp. MRAs) try to justify their porn use because the women in porn made the choice to do it…. But my point is – that doesn’t really address ANY of the points radical feminists make. And let’s be honest – the “choices” these women make in doing porn are not at all the reasons men view it.  A woman’s choice to do porn has nothing to do with a mans choice to consume it. They are completely full of it when they try and claim that had any driving force in their decision to consume it.

A lot of people “choose” to be heroin/crack/coke etc addicts.  Are you going to give them money to keep up their habit based on the idea that they made a choice to live with those addictions? Are you gonna pat them on the back and say, “good for you buddy, stand by your choices!” (couldn’t a drug dealer use that same twist?) Should we not care, simply because they chose that road OR would you admit that it is a poor choice and refuse to feed that persons addiction? I’m not trying to claim that being a porn actress is addictive (though with the way women talk about how hard “getting out” of the industry is – it does sometimes seem that way). I’m just making the point that not all decisions are good, not all decisions are healthy – for individuals or society at large.  Would you hand all your money over to someone who started a war, just because it is a “choice” someone made? because I think pornography is war against women; I full-heartedly believe that it is a backlash of womens’ advancement in society. I use that example because while women might be actually choosing to do porn in many situations –  other women, didn’t choose to have to deal with it. Just as the women in wars didn’t choose to have their kids murdered, or deal with wars in their back yards. There are children in this world that didn’t choose to be exposed to pornography (and people who think children are protected from it are not thinking it through enough – it’s easy enough for a kid to lie about their birth date and get into porn sites). There are responsible choices and there ones that are completely ridiculous. Like being in a porn isn’t necessary an irresponsible choice but if you are in a porn, allowing degrading things to happen to you for mass marketing – it is an irresponsible choice (when and if, it is one). And I think I have every right to believe that. Just like I think factory farming (and the way all farm animals are treated) is irresponsible.  And I think the consumers are just as at  fault as the owners of such farms. They are saying “it’s okay to treat animals like this and I back up that decision and I will even give you my money to continue.” Men and women buying porn where women are being degraded are basically saying the same thing. They are saying it is okay to treat women like this. And what irritates me beyond belief is how people just stop there. They never ask WHY a woman might like to be treated like that?  They never stop to wonder why THEY might like to see women being treated like that (rarely do people ask themselves why they might like things they like – probably because the answers say horrible shit about them)… They never ask why or what if (like what if that was me in that scene?). This is exactly why I think purchasing degrading pornography is an irresponsible choice – people don’t ask themselves enough questions – they’d rather wallow in denial (as many meat/animal product eaters).

Like someone choosing to call a woman a “bitch” on television. It’s their choice to use that word but it really does have an effect on the person being called a bitch and the people who watch it – especially when it’s prevalent – it can affect people’s attitudes and maybe they’ll be quicker to draw that gun in a show down. Does someone using derogatory slurs get a free ticket, simply because it’s a choice they made? Or what about choosing to be racist? Is that cool or is there room for criticism in someone’s choice to hate people based on their ethnic background?

I’m not gonna get all paternalistic on women in sex work or anything… I’m just saying – why should I be expected to back up their decisions? I criticize our government. I criticize men. I criticize experiences. I criticize animal enterprises. I criticize magazines. I criticize beauty products. I criticize other things women seem to like or comply with. Why do women who choose sex work think that their choice is above criticism? Heck, I even scrutinize some of the things we have in this shop… Like Jute webbing made in Indonesia. When something needs that much protection, it makes me even more skeptical. 

It’s like with George W. Bush passing the  “animal enterprise terrorist act.”  – he was attempting to bar animal rights activists from criticizing the industries at all (also trying to become a dictator and prevent true capitalism from existing) – which basically makes me more skeptical of them. Get what I mean? The ironic part is that you can tell when you are dealing with a sex worker that actually chose to do sex work, because they are always the ones trying to prevent any thoughtful discussion on sex work (IOW – they don’t want to hear about any of the negatives – even when we’ve heard about them from other fellow sex workers) – simply because it is freedom for them – the women who aren’t free don’t matter.  But the women who don’t have a choice – always seem more than happy to expose that industry for what it is. They are the ones who aren’t afraid of admitting to the public how hard that line of work is. They are more willing to admit the psychological/physical costs for doing it. It also makes me think that people assume if you criticize porn – you are criticizing THEM. One of my major pet-peeves. I don’t get up tight when people criticize cigarette smoking or baggy pants on women (though the latter is just ridiculous to me).

I’d criticize people who use the word whore (and few would argue with me) – but for some reason, it isn’t cool for me to criticize women who voluntarily screw on video with a title like “slutty whores.”  Do we really live in a society where we can criticize just about anything that is anti-woman BUT pornography?  And all of the “sex-positive” feminists are happy to ignore the titles of mainstream porn, they are willing to ignore that CLEAR bias in the horrible treatment of the women – all in the name of “choice”.  Apparently women are only allowed to have one “choice” in how they view pornography and how it affects their sex. I get so  tired of hearing “but but but women do it by choice, so it’s good! It’s pro-woman!!!!”

I refuse to be silenced here. It is their “choice” to do this line of work but it’s also my choice to denounce it. Because honestly – it’s a horrible profession. There is NOTHING about sex work that makes me think ” Glamorous, let me jump up on that horse.”  You have sex with nasty dudes, that you don’t want. You have to pretend to like it – even if they smell like sweaty balls and rancid meat (and being cardio isn’t a good enough reason to erase THAT). That alone, ignoring issues of consent (and blacklisting) and all of the degrading things women do in mainstream porn, is enough for me to think that profession sucks (no pun). The only women who get to choose their clients, are the women who actually have a choice in prostituting or pornography (and even Jenna Jameson discusses how she had to have sex with guys that she found 100% repulsive – https://againstpornography.org/jennapornstarmyth.html). But for the majority of prostitutes – this is NOT the case.

This is why I get so peeved when people try to equate this line of work, with other lines of work.  I don’t have to have sex with my bosses. I’m not told I’d get paid more if only I’d degrade myself a bit more. I don’t have to be INTIMATE with my bosses, peers, co-workers etc at all. I have to deal with them, yes… But I don’t have to have their cocks in my holes. I might have to put on a happy face and tolerate people I might not necessarily like but thankfully, I don’t have to touch them or feel them and pretend to love it.

I actually don’t judge women who don’t choose to do prostitution or porn at all. Not a bit. I don’t judge them because they are making do with whatever means they got. And this is why I am all for decriminalization of prostitution (besides, it’s ridiculous that porn is legal when it’s really just prostitution on video, if anything – it should be the other way around). Because I recognize that the MAJORITY of women who do it – didn’t choose to do it (especially if the average age for a woman to get into prostitution is 14 – I don’t consider that a choice). I tend to favor the swedish model.

pseudoscience….

January 21, 2010

So I’ve been thinking about that recent study that came out in Canada – where they tried to find 20 guys who had never viewed porn because they needed a control group to study how porn affects attitudes men have towards women…. but they didn’t find any men who had never viewed pornography.

I wish WISH I could get a hard copy of that study – to actually look at how it was conducted. To see what kinds of questions the guys were asked, to see if their GIRLFRIENDS or past partners had any contribution in deciding how sexist the porn viewers are.

I keep seeing people throw this study around whenever discussions on porn (especially about how it reinforces sexism) are brought up. They (the porn supporters) keep saying that porn doesn’t affect male attitudes and blah blah blah – this study now gives them something to link to (even though it isn’t peer reviewed, freakin’ morons!).

A few things that make me a skeptic…

1. The person conducting the study is a MAN. Therefor, he already has biases and probably has also internalized many sexist things. And from the looks of the study and how things are worded – it appears he is also a pornography (thus porn supporter) viewer as well.

2. They only studied 20 guys. Which is a VERY POOR sampling for any kind of statistical analysis. Everyone KNOWS who has taken statistics that your accuracy in any kind of study is horrible when you have a small sample set. Also – I would be interested in how many men they asked whether they view porn or not. For all we know – they could have just asked 20 guys and stopped there. I have to wonder how hard they looked.

3. They didn’t bother trying to find men who have viewed pornography in the past but aren’t regular porn users. Meaning – they didn’t look for guys who have seen porn but think it’s gross or just think it’s a waste of time (or any guys who see it as the sexist filth it is). I think you would be hard-pressed to find WOMEN who have never viewed pornography in these times.  SO they should have found men who don’t view pornography at all but who have seen it before and know what it’s all about. ALSO – there are plenty of men – all over the world – whom do not view pornography. Maybe they aren’t from western cultures but they DO exist.

4. I really REALLY want to know what kinds of questions were asked to determine if the guys being studied are sexist. I want to know what kinds of things were being asked because some of the questions could have been blatently obvious. Like, “Do you think you are sexist?” or “Do you consider women equals?” as opposed to something more along the lines of “Do you ever refer to women as bitches and hoes?”  Any sexist asshole is going to claim NOT to be sexist (also – what does the author of this study consider “sexist” – which is basically what is defining the conclusion). That is just how it goes. THey don’t want to admit it but they want to protect their misogyny. Duh. And one thing that goes along with protecting their misogyny is protecting their porn. I’m trying to imagine a similar study in terms of racism. And it’s like – anyone knows the “correct” answer to make themselves look good – you know?

5. Did they talk to any of the WOMEN that these men have dated (not to make this all hetero but I think that’s what the study was based on). Have the women they have dated ALSO internalized misogyny. Do they also view porn? Did the women in these guys lives enjoy the sex? Or were they constantly being asked to pleasure the man? Were they ever pestered into trying things in porn that they really didn’t want to do?  Or were any of these guys in any long-term, monogomous relationships to begin with?

6. What kind of guys did they sample from? Were they all college students or graduates? Were they all from frat houses or did they sample from differing counter-cultures? Different majors?

7. If you are doing a statistical analysis of something – there is also a lot of space for people to lie.  I know a lot of white privileged people that wouldn’t say they are racist but they certainly think it’s okay to butt infront of a black person in line or steal a taxi. A person doesn’t have to commit hate crimes to be a racist. Just like a sexist person doesn’t have to commit rape to be a sexist person. Heck – you don’t have to be a different sex to be sexist against your own sex.

I think the biggest problem I have with this study though, is how a man conducted it.  How is that a good control for this study? Obviously a male’s entitlement, privilege and perspectives are going to totally mess with the results of this study and will probably draw conclusions that look favorable to men. We have no idea if this guy was going into the study to “prove that porn doesn’t cause sexist attitudes” or if he REALLY cared to find accurate results (the sample size sort of gives me an idea). None of the news flashes I’ve read on this go into any sort of detail. You don’t even know what the guy’s hypothesis was going into it (which can cause a lot of skews).

I can’t even count the number of men I know – who claim to be not sexist but totally are. For example – they are always making stereotypes about women (ex – women compete for male attention and don’t like each other out of jealousy EVERY SINGLE TIME they don’t like each other).  They make generalizations about women, especially about certain character traits etc that exist in ALL people – not just women. Like the jealousy thing, or saying things like “Women can’t be trusted.” (as if all men can be?) etc.  Or what about men disreguarding and ignoring a female perspective on pornography to begin with? Every guy I have dated tried to minimize my concerns about the porn thing. Isn’t that sexist to begin with? It’s easy for them to minimize it because it isn’t THEIR sex being degraded and treated like scum.  I know that NONE of the guys I know – who view porn – would continue watching it if men were being ass-fucked by women with strap-ons or being forced to suck on that strap-on after it came out of his ass. They wouldn’t watch porn where the money shot was of men giving themselves facials.  ISN’T that a red flag moment? The very fact that men won’t watch porn that is degrading to men, is sexist to begin with…. (I know, I’m generalizing “not all porn blah blah blah” I’m talking about mainstream/hetero gonzo). Of course – exceptions exist. The only opinions men generally want to listen to on the whole pornography issue – are women who agree with them and systematically support their own degredation. They are the only women who are allowed opinions on this subject.  Because anytime you start talking about the porn issues – men are like, “You are trying to control women, you are for censorship, you are trying to take away freedom of speach from other woman!!!!!” – when the reality is that I’m not down with most cencorship, I don’t want to tell women what to do with their bodies BUT I have a right to my freaking freedom of speach and if I think what women do in porn is irresponsible (when it is their true choice) – I have a right to point it out. And every asshole that brings up the “freedom of speach” bullshit is totally fine with banning racist cartoons.  Which I hate to break it to them – is still a form of art – even if it is offensive and ignorant (as porn is).

Every guy I’ve ever known has had sexist attitudes (I think you’d have to do a 40 year study to find out how much of that influence is dedicated to porn).  What differs about them is in degree – not in the existence of their sexism. Some guys are more sexist than others. And my experiences basically point to the fact that the guys I dated whom viewed the MOST pornography – had the worst attitudes about women. They ignored my opinions, would risk ruining our relationship to view pornography (which is sexist in of itself because he’s flexing his “privilege” and ignoring any consideration for the woman in his life, despite her feelings on it), they had no problem calling me a “bitch” when I’d stand up for myself etc. The way in which men won’t tolerate a woman telling them that they consider porn hate speach – is sexist in of itself and it’s offensive.  I mean – it’s like denying racist advertisements/cartoons as being racist, simply because they are “art”. As art is an expression of human emotions, perspectives, depths etc etc etc – in art, can exist racism, sexism, hatred etc.

The guys I dated who viewed the most pornography were also more selfish when it came to sex.  Ex: I dated this guy once (in my younger years) who wouldn’t return the favor. He was the sneakiest porn addict I have ever dated.  I NEVER found porn while him and I were together, it wasn’t until after when we were friends with bennies, I used his computer and when I was typing in an address, a HUGE list of pornography websites dropped down (and no other websites came up, so clearly that was what he was viewing mostly on his computer). 

The porn viewers were also the biggest pests. They would nag and bug me to try different sex things that I clearly didn’t want to do (some of it was as harmless as “talking dirty” which I never wanted or desired to do at ALL and clearly an idea sprung up from porn). Like anal or shaving my crotch hair. The guy I dated in highschool was always pestering me about trying all of this stupid shit he saw in porn (contrary to everyone’s defense that they are natural fetishes – he would have never gotten the ideas he had without porn). He wanted me to get implants, he wanted me to shave my crotch, he wanted me to dress more revealing.  IOW – me, just being me – wasn’t good enough for him, which HELLO is a fucking sexist attitude.  He didn’t feel that it was necessary for HIM to shave HIS BALLS or get a penis implant… It was all about things I could do to myself, that would make me NOT like myself.  Making those “suggestions” is sexist to begin with. And I’m sorry – he didn’t get the “big fake boob” idea from his own brain. Nor did he desire to stick his penis up my poop shoot (I never gave into him though, haha) randomly from his own fantasies – another idea he got from porn. He also wanted to try other positions from porn that do nothing for female stimulation – as all porn tends to.

The other guy I dated above (the one who was a porn addict in secret) also would tell me all the time that I’d look “sexier with make-up on.” – which is totally  sexist. I don’t care how any man tries to spin that one. You are telling me to cover up my face, to be ashamed of my face as it is… That is sexist. Superficial at best. I can’t think of ONE moment where I told a guy he should dress differently or cut his hair differently etc (I know there are women who do that stuff, but not me).

The guys who watch porn are also more likely to reach for words like “bitch, slut, whore, cunt, pussy” etc. Not necessarily about me but about other women.

Either way – I just don’t think you can have an ACCURATE study on SEXISM that is being conducted by a probably WHITE male.  It’s completely ridiculous and you know what? I bet if a feminist did the same study (and had a better sampling system and control group) their results would come out completely different. Probably opposite.

Of course – no one would trust the perspective of a WOMAN on this subject (sexism galore).  All of the people backing this study done by a man would totally denounce a similar study done by a woman (especially a feminist).  I think it makes sense to have a non-white person do a study on racism. I can’t picture a white person doing a totally accurate study on racism because there are times where even the best intentioned, least racist white people flex their privelege or entitlement without realizing it.

I guess another and final thing I have to say about this pseudoscience study is basically this: We live in such an incredibly sexist society, so how the heck can anyone do a study accurately on how “sexist” porn makes a man.  The men going into these studies all had varying degrees of sexism BEFORE they ever even viewed pornography. Because even as boys they are taught that they can do just about everything better than women.

I just smell a foul taste of bullshit. NONE of the men they talked to had sexist attitudes? Yet EVERY SINGLE man I have ever met had some sexist views? Give me a break. Another man patting himself on the back. Just what women need.

Anyway – if anyone can get me a copy of this “study” – I would LOVE to go through it and rip it apart, bit by bit – lie by lie.

Perception and values….

November 17, 2009

One thing that I get endlessly tired of is men who accuse me of being a misogynist, simply because I don’t like the random girl they decided to date that month (if you HAVE to have me like your girlfriend, try picking one that isn’t superficial).

I’ve had male friends whom dated girls that I would probably never have been friends with in any other context and when it came about (usually from someone trying to start to kiss another’s arse) that I didn’t like that girl – shit would hit the fan.

The first girl this situation came about with was the type of girl who was obsessed with male attention. It wasn’t that she graciously took compliments from men and that men were constantly into her or anything – but she constantly did things, said things etc to drum up male attention and it got on my nerves.  She was one of those girls that claimed to be bi-sexual but never actually dated women but rather, made out with women in front of men (I think you get my point).

We were all hanging out once and this same girl stated loud enough for me to hear, “I hate feminists.”  I’m not sure that she was aware of the fact that I consider myself a feminist but just hearing her say that made me grind my teeth – mostly because I know WHY she was saying it and that she probably didn’t mean it at all. She was saying it because she was hoping a bunch of guys would kiss her ass after it (a prime example of where many women think male opinions matter more than female opinions).  There were other times where she would do and say things that she KNEW would make me feel uncomfortable – like suggest a group porn watching session (being fully aware about my stance on pornography).  She constantly bragged about watching porn and erotica – and the only reason I figure she had to bring it up all the time was simply to make it seem like she was the “cool chick” – you know, the “cool chick” that watches porn with her boyfriends.

And aside from that shit, which is pretty regular shit that comes from women who know NOTHING about feminism – she pissed me off because she was a poser. She was one of those, “I listen to rap, techno etc” girls but then when she started dating a metal head, all of a sudden, she acted like she loved metal and tried to dress all “black metal” (all black, fishnet stockings, miniskirts with her asscheeks hanging out etc).  As a woman who actually likes metal – I get extremely tired of dealing with scene girls (groupies) who really don’t give a rats ass about the music and just pretend to love it to, you guessed it, drum up male attention. They are pretty easy to spot because they can’t just wear a metal t-shirt and feel like they are supporting the scene – they have to dress all “sexy” (in the alternative, suicide girls’ type way).  Okay – I’m not shaming women who decide to dress that way – they have the right to do it if they want – but I honestly – to the CORE of my mind – think that it comes off as desparate. Desparation is something I pity – not hate.

And really – the last straw I had with this girl was when she was trying to drum up sexual attention from my boyfriend.  It’s annoying enough to be hanging out with a bunch of guys and have to deal with one girl there who has to be the center of sexual attention all the time (which isn’t an uncommon scenerio) but when she’s trying to be the sexual center of MY BOYFRIEND’S attention, that’s when I took issue with her (personal issue). 

I also felt as though she’s racist. Did I mention the girl referred to her black male friends as her “chocolate boyz”. It always disgusted me. And she’d try and defend it because her friends didn’t care but the thing is – a lot of other people felt offended by it (like one of MY friends). It reminds me of those white fuckers who think it’s okay to say the n-word because they have a couple of friends who are cool with it. Guess what? Not all black people are down with that, not all blacks think it’s cute to refer to themselves as such. She also tried to use the “exotic” ticket with my friend – saying that she’s beautiful because she is black – not because she’s simply a beautiful person… Funk dat. The very fact that you have to make the distinction at all is a red flag. Whatever pasty poser (that’s how I refer to women/men who say racist shit but then justify it by saying they have black friends or dated black people). haha

Anyway – when this guy, seeing this girl, found out that I didn’t like his girlfriend, he decided to hold a meeting – simply to ostracize me for not liking his girlfriend AT THE BAR I FREQUENTED then. To add to it – he had to claim that I didn’t like her because I was jealous (why am I not surprised at this one?). He tried to make it out that I don’t like any girls who are as attractive as me because I’m angry that they are stealing all of that “sacred” (*snort) male attention away from me. For one – I never felt that that girl is more attractive than me or less attractive. I honestly didn’t give a fuck – her behavior was annoying and I shouldn’t have to pretend to be “down” with it to make other people feel comfortable with their shitty choices in human beings. Because literally – the second this guy left the room, she’d be strippin’ down to nearly nothing and layin’ on the flirtations very thick with every other guy in the room.

It was a fucking slap in the face because for one: that asshole KNEW that I didn’t give a fucking rats ass about getting male attention – I just didn’t want her sticking her ass and boobs in my boyfriends face, it felt like she was disrespecting me (I actually wasn’t worried about my boyfriend because he finds sexually aggressive women scary, haha). He tried to FORCE me into apologizing to her for not liking her.  He didn’t even TRY to talk to his girlfriend about her behavior and/or why it was rubbing me the wrong way – even after I explained it to him. I certainly would have explained it to her myself if I thought it would matter but I knew it wouldn’t. That was fairly evident when she lied and denied ever trying to get sexual attention from my boyfriend. My perspective in that entire situation was TOTALLY ignored. He even was like, “I know she never did that shit.” – it’s like, “thanks for calling me a liar dude” – every guy there up against me in that situation KNEW SHE WAS DOING THAT SHIT and not ONE of them defended me or agreed that her behavior was not very trust-worthy (even when she was caught on VIDEO making out with other guys and people finally told him all the other guys she had been sneakin’ around with – no one apologized to me for my concerns). 

Note: I’m not shaming her for sleeping around with a lot of guys –  I was calling her out for deceiving someone (a close friend of mine, at the time) who had it in his head that they were in a monogomous relationship. I didn’t have proof that she was cheating but her behavior sent red flags left and right.

Then he dated another girl who was similar to the girl he dated last and she was almost as annoying but probably not as much. The only reason she wasn’t as annoying was simply that she wasn’t as loud and as intrusive but she was a poser, none the less. When I first met her – she was all into wearing pink and girly colors by the end of that encounter – she was wearing black and trying really hard to be metal all the time (including the gauntlets she started wearing, ick).  

I still gave her a chance though – even though I had the creeping suspicion that this girl was just as much a poser as the last… When she started posting her naked “modeling” pics on myspace, I started liking her less.  For one – I think it comes off as totally conceited and guess what? I don’t like conceited people – whether they are male or female. If a guy had 3 HUGE pictures of himself on his profile page where he was trying to be super sexy, along with like 300 pictures of himself in the photos section, I would think, “Fucking conceited loser, this guy is obsessed with himself.”  For some reason – if I think it’s the same for women to do that shit, I get stereotyped as being jealous, catty etc. On her profile she brags about being creative, inventive etc And that’s the thing too – none of her modeling shoots were creative, none of them were anything new or inventive – they were the same tired photos with the “come fuck me” face.  She even did a bunch of those “violence against women” type shoots – where she pretended to be the victim of violence in her photos in a “sexy” way (way to go! Another asshole trying to eroticize violence against women).

So many women never stop to think about the opinions other women might have of the choices they make (like women who have been sexually assaulted and see nothing sexy about it). THEY even think that the male opinions hold more water – which is why I don’t have respect for it. I know that the major reason this girl has a million pictures of herself on myspace is because she is desparate for male attention, she needs people to feed her ego, she falsely gains her self-esteem via all of the guys, “yer hawt” comments. I am simpathetic as far as that goes, becaues I know that it is a self-esteem issue. I imagine it is for ANYONE who needs to have their picture, videos etc circulating through the population.

What really irritated me was when she decided to do a nude photo of herself pretending to have sex with a big ole cross. Fuck her. I hate religion, I’m not religious but I was brought up catholic… and that kind of shit is being totally assholeish. It’s one thing to totally critique religion – point out the strong/weak points but it’s quite another to insult it and totally mock the very things other people consider sacred.

Made me want to take a big shit in her cosmetics.

I have no desire to be friends with someone who claims that she is all creative but then goes and rips off the exorcist just because she thinks it will give all of those “alternative” boyz a boner. AT least when punk rock started using upside down crosses – there was a legit reason for it being backwards – and that was the general attitude that religion is backwards. I get the irony, I understand the symbolism behind an upside down cross but pretending to have sex with a cross?  Where is the symbolism in that? It’s just an attempt to be crude – as most porn tends to be. Yeah, maybe being crude is someone’s right under the first amendment but that won’t stop me from pointing out that it’s pathetic. I also went to some of the pages her photographers had and guess what? ALL of their models were in the same exact poses in separate pictures. I was just like WTF? Any self-respecting, ARTISTIC photographer isn’t going to keep creating the same imagery over and over and YET over again.

I use to have fun with one of my exes who would take me outside and we’d do some pictures but the thing is – I wasn’t trying to be “sexy” – nor was I trying to get naked either. I had a few of me FAR AWAY in a corn field. Another one is a picture of me on a bridge – letting a drag out from my cigarrette. So there is this pig puff of smoke covering my face. I’ve done other pictures that were simply about subject placement and coming up with interesting compositions. I think modeling CAN BE creative but 99.99% of it is the same tired, boring bullshit and only about creating boners, rather than perspectives.

The best part about this situation was that my boyfriend ended up getting into a huge argument with this girls’ boyfriend. So I at least wasn’t ostracized this time for not liking something, I simply just don’t like.

I still got called a bunch of names though – a woman hater, jealous etc etc etc (because men really can’t hold themselves back from gossiping – I confided in one of those assholes about not being excited about this girl and of course they had to run and tell). But isn’t it true that a true misogynist believes that a woman can’t possibly make rational decisions on her own? I mean, shit, women can’t decide which other women they like and want to be friends with! And there is NO possible way that women don’t like each other for any other reason than that they are jealous (that’s sarcasm, in case it wasn’t obvious). Oh and good looking women ALWAYS come with equivelant personalities (haha).

The whole situation really enraged me because I was accused of being a misogynist by people who don’t even know the term misogynist – and then to support their view that I’m a misogynist, they used a bunch of false stereotypes about women to make their point.  It NEVER crossed their minds that maybe I don’t want to be friends with people who treat me like shit and whom can’t be bothered to think beyond their own selfish needs and ends? Maybe I felt that I would be happier without the appearence obsessed women and men in my life?  I mean – I dated a guy who was obsessed with how he looked and he would always tell me I should get breast implants. I’ve also had friends in the past who would constantly ridicule how I dress and present myself and it would knock me down into depression. They couldn’t figure out that maybe I had no interest in that girl and that I actually didn’t hate her at all. Which is true. I don’t hate her, I didn’t even hate the girl before – I’m just not going to pretend to be friends with people who really rub me the wrong way and basically move against everything I move towards. My reasons for avoiding certain types of people (mostly superficial, appearence obsessed) is because they are like poison. If people like that destroy my self-esteem, what is the point in dealing with them?

Which is why I stopped being friends with those guys and why I’m more skeptical than ever of men.  I’ve always been one of those girls that guys consider “one of the guys” (although, they certainly don’t treat their female “guys” as an equal to their REAL guy friends). I always MOSTLY had male friends but after this insident – I woke up. I woke up and realized that men actually are assholes, self-centered assholes who when it comes down to it – treat women like sexbots that can’t make decisions for themselves. I decided that I would be happier without their shitty paternalism.

In the end – I actually disliked those guys more than the women they were dating. I can at least understand women who are obsessed with male attention (because of social pressures and both of the women in these situations were almost 10 yrs younger than me) – but I can’t relate to most men because they clearly don’t see women as equals.  They say they do, but they don’t. It took me a while to realize it but they treated me differently.  They called each other and I called them but rarely was I called. They also respected each others’ opinions and didn’t use shitty stereotypes to knock each other down – even when they had some of the same complaints I had.

I treated those guys like my brothers, hung out with them A LOT and after all of that, they go around saying that women can’t be trusted…. Well you know what – men can’t be trusted to treat women like real people who have a right to form their own opinions. And in the minds of those guys – I couldn’t be trusted, simply because I was unwilling to comply with their views. Fuck them. That ain’t punk rock. In fact, it’s too mainstream for my taste…

And what boils my blood, to the CORE in all of these situations is that no one else was expected to be friends with these annoying women. None of the guys were expected to be BFFs with them but I was, simply because I was born with a vagina and she was born with a vagina. Great fucking logic.

Fuel…

November 16, 2009

When I was first going down the path towards veganism, I often spent some time watching videos of animal abuse. The videos didn’t make me happy, they were quite depressing and often, I cried watching them.  Whenever someone questioned me and I started to question every reason I made the leap to veganism – I’d return to those videos or read more about the harms done onto animals to remind myself of why I stand where I do.

And as an anti-porn feminist – sometimes I DO need a reminder of why I am against porn. With all of the feminists trying to promote porn as sex-positive, sometimes it is very hard to keep my original opinion on the porn industry….

But that’s what this is for:

http://lettersfromworkinggirls.blogspot.com/

http://actioncenter.polarisproject.org/the-frontlines/survivor-testimonies

Sometimes reading these horrific personal stories makes me cry – but you know what? It’s a reminder of why I took this stance (or a reminder of one of my reasons)…

I wish “sex-positive” middle class feminists who actually have a choice about doing sex-work would stop trying to speak over these women and their struggles. And quite frankly – I wish they’d stop trying to gloss over the REASONS many are left to make this “choice”.