Men are the center!!!

I think that being a feminist in a society that has embraced raunch culture can be really tiresome. I try to keep in mind that when women put men at the center of everything – it’s insecurity speaking. There are so many avenues in the media that give women the message that male attention (especially superficial, sexual attention) is to be placed on a pedestal. And then you combine that message with the message that we’ll never be “sexy” enough or “hot” enough… It’s enough to make the most intelligent, most secure women doubt themselves.

I have known SOOOOOOOO MANY women who I LOVED being around when no men were in the room (including my own biological sister), but then the second a penis walked into the room, I became invisible. It’s hard, REALLY hard, not to be offended – especially if they specifically pine for attention from the guy you happen to be dating. I know that personally, I feel really hurt by it. It’s a slap in the face, even when you understand it. One of the reasons I’ve rarely fell into drama about this shit though, is because I understand it – even if that behavior is really annoying to me.

I don’t get jealous, I’m not the type of woman that is OMG, my boyfriend checked you out, I HATE you now! But I get offended by being treated like that, by other women. Why do women do that? Why is getting some guys male gaze more important than how we treat other women? Why is a man thinking your hot, more important than how other women look on at your character?

You wanna know why this male gaze shit will NEVER be a security gainer? Because the same men you pined for attention from – will give other women attention, so what do you actually gain other than being one of the million? I see women pining for attention from men in relationships with their friends and it always boggles my mind. I mean – what do women gain from that? If he cheats on his girlfriend and you “one-up” her – some other woman is just going to “one-up” you AND you lost a good friend cuz of it. Because clearly if the guy is willing to sneak around on the woman he was with when YOU hooked up with him, he’s going to be willing to do it to you. It doesn’t mean you are “special” – it means that your friend happened to be dating a sneaky asshole. Or if a woman is just trying to get her friends boyfriend to check her out, what does she gain from it? I mean – women who don’t think other women pick up on this behavior are stupid. We see it, we get it and none of us really appreciate it – even if we aren’t willing to start a bunch of drama about it. IOW – is a male gaze worth women secretly disliking you and finding ways to avoid you? Because that’s where I end up – avoiding. I’ll avoid hanging out with such women in places where men are around… Because I want to connect on a real level. I WANT to have some good laughs and talk about things we generally don’t talk about around men.
It’s bad enough, you know – that when I’m hanging out in a room with all men – that I’m constantly being interrupted and talked over…. And to have that element when another woman is in the room is so fucking depressing to me (it’s ALSO a very VERY happy moment when I meet women who focus on talking to me in a room full of men). Not only do the men ignore the women but the other women ignore the other women (women are meant to be seen and not heard, right?). Why is it like that? Actually, nevermind, I know why it’s like that but how do we change it?
HOW do we convince women to rise above that petty shit? I know that the world would run a bit smoother (as well as female friendships/relationships) if we could rise above it. Not to mention – I think it would GREATLY improve relationships between the genders as well.

Inspired by these two videos:

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