Emotionally invested arguments?

It’s very frequently an argument I get against any kind of critique I have against pornography. People will often come at me with, “Well you’ve had negative experiences with porn, which is why you are emotionally invested in speaking out against it.”

Lets ignore for a moment, how this is a grossly used logically fallacy or red herring…

What about porn users? Or porn actresses? Or sex workers in general…?  Aren’t they emotionally invested in DEFENDING pornography/sex industry? I personally think so.

There are definite negative experiences I have had dealing with pornography (this includes how the imagery has made me feel). Like the guy I lost my virginity to who continually told me I’d look better with breast implants or how he would constantly beg me to allow him to penetrate me anally… And then there’s the fact that my own father is a porn addict – who lost all ability to be intimate.

But these are only the ROOTS of my issues with porn and have only a portion to do with my feelings on the issue. They were a bridge to my thinking but not really the all encompassing reason for my thinking. If that makes any sense at all.

This reminds me of make-up. A lot of women will get really offended about my opinions on make-up – even if I’m just talking about how shitty the industry is. They act like I attack them, personally, for using it. And they’ll come at me with all of these stupid bullshit arguments to defend make-up – like calling it art…. Or just saying that they use it to get by… which are totally superficial arguments for using make-up and really quite the opposite of why they use it in the first place (which in my owm mind amounts to social conditioning – I know I watched my mom apply her face every morning). I mean – there are parallels between the people who wear make-up and defend it from any sort of critique and the way people who use pornography or who have a personal investment in it, defend it from all critique.

Like the inability to acknowledge the sexism. I mean – make-up is sexist. There is a sexist expectation around it – just like there are sexist expectations in what men should be seeing in hetero mainstream pornography. I mean – I can’t even count the number of men who come to any sort of discussion about pornography and deny what seems to be VERY OBVIOUS bias against women. Or they justify it as being “art” or they justify it as being “fantasy”. And the fantasy thing always irritates me – because after they make that comment – they insist that porn doesn’t influence men at all.

I even think to myself often – if you are a straight guy – how can you accurately judge how OTHER men behave sexually with their real life partners? It’s irritating.  Not that I’ve had sex with lots of men and that my experiences reflect the entire population of porn watching males…. but I’m pretty sure that I have more experiences that can justify my position. Whereas – any man equating every other mans sexuality to his own, really does not justify their position on pornography. A lot of men think like that – because THEY don’t try to have porn sex with their partners – other men won’t. Which is just wishful thinking in all reality.

My point is that any porn user – is going to be emotionally invested to defend porn. And it’s really irritating because they will even defend all levels of it… Rape assimilations that are specifically showing women being raped a majority of the time. They’ll justify the totally sexist and degrading imagery – usually at the porn actresses expense (saying cuz she consented to do it – somehow that makes the imagery less degrading). 

And it’s like – I see right through it because I don’t even sit here and say that MY JOB is free from degrading aspects. Or any job for that matter. The attempt to defend it in every single way just proves how emotionally invested these people are. I even point out to people that the idea of people having sex in a video does not really offend me… It really doesn’t. And if that’s ALL PORN WAS – I’d probably wouldn’t feel so against porn.

And it’s another moment where – when people accuse me of being “emotionally invested” in my anti-pornography stance – I think they are probably projectiong their own emotional investment onto me. Because at least I can ADMIT that there are negative things I’ve experienced with porn that have pointed me in this direction – THEY cannot even admit that their own porn usage emotional invests them to defend it at ALL costs, from any sort of meaningful critique.

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