Archive for January, 2010

Someone left this link on another blog

January 31, 2010

It’s a really great video about “choice” in prostitution.  One thing that I LOVE about it, it’s coming from the mouths of women who exited from being prostituted. SO anyway, I’ll just let them speak for themselves.

Reading Comprehension

January 28, 2010

So I was on youtube – visiting one of the anti-porn folks channel. And I got into a discussion with this guy.  Basically – the video had two questions 1. Do you see men being violated like women in porn. and 2. Why do people need porn?

This guy comes in and whips out the usual logical fallacies.

1. But but but women CHOOSE to do porn (your point dude? Try and answer the questions next time).

2. Why should he care about the women in porn, they are the ones who gave up their “shot” at life. (The video was asking whether men are degraded to the extent women are in porn and why people think they need porn. Maybe you’ll answer it next time?)

3. Censorship is EVIL. (again – the video wasn’t about censorship, it wasn’t pro-censorship, it wasn’t even discussing that in terms of how to deal with porn… FAIL!)

The interesting part about that is no one brought up a discussion of censorship – the entire video had NOTHING to do with choice (really – other than dealing with why do you “need” porn?). The only person he agreed with on that channel was one woman who brought up the censorship thing which was totally unrelated to the discussion.

I made a joke in passing (as I have been lately when dealing with MRAs or the typical “nice guys” who claim that they have zero sexism) about the Scum Manifesto. Which got him ALL RILED UP (he didn’t understand the irony – clearly. I think it’s a great comparison to porn).

He sent me a private message about how sexist I am and what a hypocrite I am (I think because he was booted from the channel). Complete with stories of women he helped on the train (a maid who hadn’t had a MAN care about her in so long and what a nice man he was for doing so *eyeroll*). Oh and he’s an art student (not sure why he threw that information in there). He spent almost 1000 words going into detail about how the SCUM Manifesto is anti-man. He also mentioned that he’s against entitlement and that he doesn’t assert his privilege  – OH and he doesn’t look at any porn from mainstream companies (another moment he decided to pat himself on the back). He also was angry with me for saying that the way men derail posts about pornography makes me think Valerie had something right when she said all men come off as egocentric.

Think about this – he spent probably two hours, writing me an email about how sexist the SCUM Manifesto is (and how sexist I am for even mentioning that title) – but he couldn’t write ONE sentence about how sexist pornography is?  I sent him a message back (which I shouldn’t have, I shoulda ignored him cuz he’s on of those “right fighters” but maybe he’ll learn something – he honestly seems to give a HUGE shit about my opinion) explaining that it comes off as egocentric when a man can critique something like the SC UM Manifesto in depth but that they can’t critique pornography and what it says and what it does to women in even ONE sentence (or even comment on the racism within it, you know?). And I honestly don’t think he read the entire SCUM Manifesto – I think he got to the first paragraph where Valerie says we don’t need men and that we should just do off with them. Even I had a hard time getting past that bit BUT I think there is a lot of truth to what she said – in a general way, not definitive  – not because I think men are BORN a certain way but because I think they are socialized thinking they are better than women in just about everything. For me – the SCUM Manifesto is more like a comedy. It IS very hilarious – especially when you think of all the dumb, sexist, ignorant things most men say and do. Most men who don’t think they are sexist – think that because they don’t actually critique their attitudes or language.

Also – all the assumptions he made including the assumption that I’m sexist (apparently for recognizing sexism when and where it exists makes me a sexist) and that I believe in censorship (which is untrue) – makes him fairly typical of the types of guys I deal with in terms of pornography discussions – completely veering from the point (I’m not sure if they just don’t want to take an honest look at things or if they are simply trying to convince themselves). I also said to him – for ONCE – I wish I could have a discussion with men, an HONEST discussion about pornography that didn’t get derailed into porn is a choice and porn is art so it can’t be censored line – OH and don’t forget “But gay porn exists and what about the menz!!!!” (I also mentioned that pornographers should be held accountable for plagiarism because they steal a lot of “ideas” from each other).  As an art student – he should be perfectly okay with critiquing “art” and discussing how it reflects society at large. But apparently porn is too much of a challenge – maybe after art school he’ll get it.

These fallacies are annoying and I think they show mens’ general inability to empathize with women and what many women feel is being represented about women in pornography (and I”m tired of them using women in porn to try to justify everything). Even this guy seems to not empathize with the women who are FORCED into pornography/sex work because if they are poor (class issues) or were brought up in broken families or ended up in porn due to mental illness (incl addiction) – NOT HIS PROBLEM. Who cares, right? (how could he get pissed at me for asserting that he’s egocentric after that rant?). I have a feeling he doesn’t really understand what egocentric means. MY def – someone who can’t empathize or perceive what another’s life is like and can only think in terms of their own life and their “own shots” at it.  99% of the men who view porn are exactly like this. They don’t care about the women in those videos. And thinking “Why” is like flying without wings to them.

My last point was basically this: “What if the Scum Manifesto was being mass reproduced and plagiarized and every woman you dated had copies of this mass-produced male hatred propaganda and they REFUSED to give em up for you (and men started noticing that it affected the attitudes of women)? OR worse – they say they gave up their male hate speech but then sneak it in behind your back? Heck – I don’t think the SCUM Manifesto is even NEARLY as dehumanizing because it isn’t visual. Visuals are indeed powerful (and honestly – I’m very tired of people trying to act like they aren’t).  Every time TV is introduced to other cultures – anorexia problems rise STEEPLY. As well as increases in things like cosmetics.

I also made the point that – the outrage he feels about the SCUM Manifesto is the same type of rage I feel about pornography. That same sick feeling, the pit at the bottom of his stomach and the blood pressure that boils up to his brain while he’s reading those words – is the same feeling I get when I know I’m with a guy that’s looking at porn, or if I have to hear men talking about it like it’s the greatest thing ever while I”m standing right there.  Or anytime I have to hear them talk about porn stars as if they’re some mystical goddesses.

Only some men admit to being sexist. Men try to play it off like they aren’t sexist but if they are using any kind of pornography – they probably are. If they were brought up in a house where the roles around the house were split up by sex  – they are probably sexist. If they think men are more athletic than women – sexist. If they think men are stronger than women – sexist (strength can be determined in many ways). If they think of women as being something “other” than what they are – they are sexist. And you know what – I have never met a single guy in this world that didn’t have some elements of sexism. The difference (and I told this to this guy) between some men and others – is that some are willing to learn from their mistakes and not minimize them. That’s kinda the same with race issues and whites dealing with privilege and entitlement.

Then this he decides to tell me about how he dumped a girlfriend of his because she “snooped” through his computer and found nudy pics of his ex-girlfriend saved on it. Of course, he says he dumped her because he didn’t want to deal with her “jealousy” or infringing on HIS “privacy”. This was the part that made me realize he never read the entire SCUM Manifesto – there is a section on privacy.

You know what I would think if my boyfriend had nudy pics of an ex kickin around that he insisted on keeping? That he isn’t over her or that he’s living in the past. It’s not a form of jealousy – it’s a form of concern. And I never really understood the men that feel entitled to “privacy” when they are in relationships – usually when they fight for their “privacy” it’s a red flag that they have a lot of things to hide. My boyfriend could read through my emails, he could snoop around on my facebook and myspace and he goes on my youtube ALL THE TIME and guess what? I don’t give a care because I got nothing to hide. Privacy literally = something to hide.

And just his little story about dumping a woman who found his “porn” folder – which meant she was snooping proves a part of him that is sexist. It never occurred to him how that might look from HER stand-point? And it’s VERY typical for him to write it off as jealousy (you know how many times I’ve been accused of that when it wasn’t true AT ALL?).  I think there are times where we might be “concerned” but not necessarily jealousy (like if you’re with a guy that is obsessed with porn stars – you might start wondering why he’s with YOU? Cuz you look nothing like them? And act nothing like them? Doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be a porn star, you know?).  And part of the foundation of trust is trusting your partners sincerity when they ask you about something – and not simply writing it off as “jealousy”. When guys avoided discussing things like that with me in the past – I just assumed that I touched a nerve of truth. Like if I said, are you still into your ex? And they got angry – I figured he was.  

He probably dumped the one woman who cared about him most, just to protect the “privacy” of his ex’s pervo pictures (one of the reasons he dumped her was because she asked him to get rid of the pictures – which he clearly couldn’t part with). Pretty pathetic if you want to know my honest opinion.

Why doesn’t it surprise me that a man would dump a woman simply because she asked him to get rid of naked pictures of his ex?  He tried to write it off like the snooping was a problem… That’s a load of crap. Everyone is going to be curious. Just about every guy I’ve been with – I’d snoop through their things while they were sitting right there. Not cuz I was “looking for” something but I like looking through people’s junk drawers at their “stuff” – says a lot about them (what makes someone keep some things and not others?). I certainly don’t give a rats ass if someone snoops through my things. My boyfriend even reads my journal half the time, haha (the one I actually use a pen to write in). Not to mention – just about everything we hide has an element of shame – maybe he should address that?

The other argument he was trying to get me with was “How do you decide what is demeaning or degrading? Majority?”  Ugh. NO, I never decide what I think based on what the majority of people think – if I did, I wouldn’t be vegan, I wouldn’t be a rad fem, I’d already have breast implants and probably a lip job to match (and I’d also wear make-up), I’d probably run out to buy a pair of ugglies boots. I rebel against that sort of thing.

I decide what is degrading by feeling. Because I can look at something and imagine how I would feel to be doing that. Like licking poop off of some guys penis – I know what that would feel like, I know how ashamed I would feel doing it. And I really don’t care what other people think about my opinion on that – I don’t even care if they somehow find it empowering – I think they are totally wrong.  I also compare some of the stuff I did when I was younger that I didn’t really want to do – but I went along with simply to please someone else and how THAT made me feel. I mean – the entire reason I’m vegan is because I have empathy for what it must be like to have your children ripped away from you at birth or to have some stranger or machine gripping on to my tits. I don’t have to be a cow to see that as degrading.  And maybe I AM sensitive but I think I have every right to be, ye know? Especially if men are allowed to get just as sensitive about the SCUM Manifesto.

Anyway – I’m calling this “reading comprehension” because I told this guy like five times that I don’t believe in censorship (because I want to protect my right to speak out against things I don’t like) – yet he keeps bringing it up as a point against me. Completely ridiculous.

Pornography is Art!

January 22, 2010

Just have a point to make – pornography is NOT art. And even if it is art – it doesn’t automatically mean it is “good” art.

When you write a book and you steal ideas from someone else’s book – guess what that is called? PLAGIARISM.  If pornography is “art” or “expression” or “speech” than just about every pornographer out there should be going to court for plagiarism.  They should be sued. They should be condemned as the pathetic virus’ they are.

And either way, that is such rubbish. It isn’t art.  I could take a shit in a toilet, take a photo of it and call it art too… Really though, porn seems to be the standard for art in this country. It really does. What does that say about the intelligence of our culture? (Nevermind, I don’t want to think about that – I’ll get too pissed off).

I know a lot of people who have never bought a single painting in their lives, have never bothered to spend a PENNY on any type of art or even tools to make their own, yet they have over 50 porno movies. WTF? 

America is cheap.

A Tiny Point about “choice”

January 22, 2010

When people bring up the point of “choice” in terms of pornography – a thought usually comes into my mind…

Do we have to back people up on their choices?  REALLY? Doesn’t that seem a bit………..compliant? Isn’t that just a cop-out?  Not all choices are created equal!!!

I’m not going to bother explaining the dynamics of “choice” when it comes to sex work because as radical feminists – we’ve jumped through these loops before…

What I’m making a point about is that even if a woman chooses FULLY to be in pornography (and I mean – they have other options for income, are educated) – why should people expect me to back up their choices? Especially when those choices have created a world of hell for ME (and other women who don’t want to conform to the mass marketed, male-centric, generic female sexuality).

And is that even a justification for buying pornography?  A lot of men (esp. MRAs) try to justify their porn use because the women in porn made the choice to do it…. But my point is – that doesn’t really address ANY of the points radical feminists make. And let’s be honest – the “choices” these women make in doing porn are not at all the reasons men view it.  A woman’s choice to do porn has nothing to do with a mans choice to consume it. They are completely full of it when they try and claim that had any driving force in their decision to consume it.

A lot of people “choose” to be heroin/crack/coke etc addicts.  Are you going to give them money to keep up their habit based on the idea that they made a choice to live with those addictions? Are you gonna pat them on the back and say, “good for you buddy, stand by your choices!” (couldn’t a drug dealer use that same twist?) Should we not care, simply because they chose that road OR would you admit that it is a poor choice and refuse to feed that persons addiction? I’m not trying to claim that being a porn actress is addictive (though with the way women talk about how hard “getting out” of the industry is – it does sometimes seem that way). I’m just making the point that not all decisions are good, not all decisions are healthy – for individuals or society at large.  Would you hand all your money over to someone who started a war, just because it is a “choice” someone made? because I think pornography is war against women; I full-heartedly believe that it is a backlash of womens’ advancement in society. I use that example because while women might be actually choosing to do porn in many situations –  other women, didn’t choose to have to deal with it. Just as the women in wars didn’t choose to have their kids murdered, or deal with wars in their back yards. There are children in this world that didn’t choose to be exposed to pornography (and people who think children are protected from it are not thinking it through enough – it’s easy enough for a kid to lie about their birth date and get into porn sites). There are responsible choices and there ones that are completely ridiculous. Like being in a porn isn’t necessary an irresponsible choice but if you are in a porn, allowing degrading things to happen to you for mass marketing – it is an irresponsible choice (when and if, it is one). And I think I have every right to believe that. Just like I think factory farming (and the way all farm animals are treated) is irresponsible.  And I think the consumers are just as at  fault as the owners of such farms. They are saying “it’s okay to treat animals like this and I back up that decision and I will even give you my money to continue.” Men and women buying porn where women are being degraded are basically saying the same thing. They are saying it is okay to treat women like this. And what irritates me beyond belief is how people just stop there. They never ask WHY a woman might like to be treated like that?  They never stop to wonder why THEY might like to see women being treated like that (rarely do people ask themselves why they might like things they like – probably because the answers say horrible shit about them)… They never ask why or what if (like what if that was me in that scene?). This is exactly why I think purchasing degrading pornography is an irresponsible choice – people don’t ask themselves enough questions – they’d rather wallow in denial (as many meat/animal product eaters).

Like someone choosing to call a woman a “bitch” on television. It’s their choice to use that word but it really does have an effect on the person being called a bitch and the people who watch it – especially when it’s prevalent – it can affect people’s attitudes and maybe they’ll be quicker to draw that gun in a show down. Does someone using derogatory slurs get a free ticket, simply because it’s a choice they made? Or what about choosing to be racist? Is that cool or is there room for criticism in someone’s choice to hate people based on their ethnic background?

I’m not gonna get all paternalistic on women in sex work or anything… I’m just saying – why should I be expected to back up their decisions? I criticize our government. I criticize men. I criticize experiences. I criticize animal enterprises. I criticize magazines. I criticize beauty products. I criticize other things women seem to like or comply with. Why do women who choose sex work think that their choice is above criticism? Heck, I even scrutinize some of the things we have in this shop… Like Jute webbing made in Indonesia. When something needs that much protection, it makes me even more skeptical. 

It’s like with George W. Bush passing the  “animal enterprise terrorist act.”  – he was attempting to bar animal rights activists from criticizing the industries at all (also trying to become a dictator and prevent true capitalism from existing) – which basically makes me more skeptical of them. Get what I mean? The ironic part is that you can tell when you are dealing with a sex worker that actually chose to do sex work, because they are always the ones trying to prevent any thoughtful discussion on sex work (IOW – they don’t want to hear about any of the negatives – even when we’ve heard about them from other fellow sex workers) – simply because it is freedom for them – the women who aren’t free don’t matter.  But the women who don’t have a choice – always seem more than happy to expose that industry for what it is. They are the ones who aren’t afraid of admitting to the public how hard that line of work is. They are more willing to admit the psychological/physical costs for doing it. It also makes me think that people assume if you criticize porn – you are criticizing THEM. One of my major pet-peeves. I don’t get up tight when people criticize cigarette smoking or baggy pants on women (though the latter is just ridiculous to me).

I’d criticize people who use the word whore (and few would argue with me) – but for some reason, it isn’t cool for me to criticize women who voluntarily screw on video with a title like “slutty whores.”  Do we really live in a society where we can criticize just about anything that is anti-woman BUT pornography?  And all of the “sex-positive” feminists are happy to ignore the titles of mainstream porn, they are willing to ignore that CLEAR bias in the horrible treatment of the women – all in the name of “choice”.  Apparently women are only allowed to have one “choice” in how they view pornography and how it affects their sex. I get so  tired of hearing “but but but women do it by choice, so it’s good! It’s pro-woman!!!!”

I refuse to be silenced here. It is their “choice” to do this line of work but it’s also my choice to denounce it. Because honestly – it’s a horrible profession. There is NOTHING about sex work that makes me think ” Glamorous, let me jump up on that horse.”  You have sex with nasty dudes, that you don’t want. You have to pretend to like it – even if they smell like sweaty balls and rancid meat (and being cardio isn’t a good enough reason to erase THAT). That alone, ignoring issues of consent (and blacklisting) and all of the degrading things women do in mainstream porn, is enough for me to think that profession sucks (no pun). The only women who get to choose their clients, are the women who actually have a choice in prostituting or pornography (and even Jenna Jameson discusses how she had to have sex with guys that she found 100% repulsive – But for the majority of prostitutes – this is NOT the case.

This is why I get so peeved when people try to equate this line of work, with other lines of work.  I don’t have to have sex with my bosses. I’m not told I’d get paid more if only I’d degrade myself a bit more. I don’t have to be INTIMATE with my bosses, peers, co-workers etc at all. I have to deal with them, yes… But I don’t have to have their cocks in my holes. I might have to put on a happy face and tolerate people I might not necessarily like but thankfully, I don’t have to touch them or feel them and pretend to love it.

I actually don’t judge women who don’t choose to do prostitution or porn at all. Not a bit. I don’t judge them because they are making do with whatever means they got. And this is why I am all for decriminalization of prostitution (besides, it’s ridiculous that porn is legal when it’s really just prostitution on video, if anything – it should be the other way around). Because I recognize that the MAJORITY of women who do it – didn’t choose to do it (especially if the average age for a woman to get into prostitution is 14 – I don’t consider that a choice). I tend to favor the swedish model.


January 21, 2010

So I’ve been thinking about that recent study that came out in Canada – where they tried to find 20 guys who had never viewed porn because they needed a control group to study how porn affects attitudes men have towards women…. but they didn’t find any men who had never viewed pornography.

I wish WISH I could get a hard copy of that study – to actually look at how it was conducted. To see what kinds of questions the guys were asked, to see if their GIRLFRIENDS or past partners had any contribution in deciding how sexist the porn viewers are.

I keep seeing people throw this study around whenever discussions on porn (especially about how it reinforces sexism) are brought up. They (the porn supporters) keep saying that porn doesn’t affect male attitudes and blah blah blah – this study now gives them something to link to (even though it isn’t peer reviewed, freakin’ morons!).

A few things that make me a skeptic…

1. The person conducting the study is a MAN. Therefor, he already has biases and probably has also internalized many sexist things. And from the looks of the study and how things are worded – it appears he is also a pornography (thus porn supporter) viewer as well.

2. They only studied 20 guys. Which is a VERY POOR sampling for any kind of statistical analysis. Everyone KNOWS who has taken statistics that your accuracy in any kind of study is horrible when you have a small sample set. Also – I would be interested in how many men they asked whether they view porn or not. For all we know – they could have just asked 20 guys and stopped there. I have to wonder how hard they looked.

3. They didn’t bother trying to find men who have viewed pornography in the past but aren’t regular porn users. Meaning – they didn’t look for guys who have seen porn but think it’s gross or just think it’s a waste of time (or any guys who see it as the sexist filth it is). I think you would be hard-pressed to find WOMEN who have never viewed pornography in these times.  SO they should have found men who don’t view pornography at all but who have seen it before and know what it’s all about. ALSO – there are plenty of men – all over the world – whom do not view pornography. Maybe they aren’t from western cultures but they DO exist.

4. I really REALLY want to know what kinds of questions were asked to determine if the guys being studied are sexist. I want to know what kinds of things were being asked because some of the questions could have been blatently obvious. Like, “Do you think you are sexist?” or “Do you consider women equals?” as opposed to something more along the lines of “Do you ever refer to women as bitches and hoes?”  Any sexist asshole is going to claim NOT to be sexist (also – what does the author of this study consider “sexist” – which is basically what is defining the conclusion). That is just how it goes. THey don’t want to admit it but they want to protect their misogyny. Duh. And one thing that goes along with protecting their misogyny is protecting their porn. I’m trying to imagine a similar study in terms of racism. And it’s like – anyone knows the “correct” answer to make themselves look good – you know?

5. Did they talk to any of the WOMEN that these men have dated (not to make this all hetero but I think that’s what the study was based on). Have the women they have dated ALSO internalized misogyny. Do they also view porn? Did the women in these guys lives enjoy the sex? Or were they constantly being asked to pleasure the man? Were they ever pestered into trying things in porn that they really didn’t want to do?  Or were any of these guys in any long-term, monogomous relationships to begin with?

6. What kind of guys did they sample from? Were they all college students or graduates? Were they all from frat houses or did they sample from differing counter-cultures? Different majors?

7. If you are doing a statistical analysis of something – there is also a lot of space for people to lie.  I know a lot of white privileged people that wouldn’t say they are racist but they certainly think it’s okay to butt infront of a black person in line or steal a taxi. A person doesn’t have to commit hate crimes to be a racist. Just like a sexist person doesn’t have to commit rape to be a sexist person. Heck – you don’t have to be a different sex to be sexist against your own sex.

I think the biggest problem I have with this study though, is how a man conducted it.  How is that a good control for this study? Obviously a male’s entitlement, privilege and perspectives are going to totally mess with the results of this study and will probably draw conclusions that look favorable to men. We have no idea if this guy was going into the study to “prove that porn doesn’t cause sexist attitudes” or if he REALLY cared to find accurate results (the sample size sort of gives me an idea). None of the news flashes I’ve read on this go into any sort of detail. You don’t even know what the guy’s hypothesis was going into it (which can cause a lot of skews).

I can’t even count the number of men I know – who claim to be not sexist but totally are. For example – they are always making stereotypes about women (ex – women compete for male attention and don’t like each other out of jealousy EVERY SINGLE TIME they don’t like each other).  They make generalizations about women, especially about certain character traits etc that exist in ALL people – not just women. Like the jealousy thing, or saying things like “Women can’t be trusted.” (as if all men can be?) etc.  Or what about men disreguarding and ignoring a female perspective on pornography to begin with? Every guy I have dated tried to minimize my concerns about the porn thing. Isn’t that sexist to begin with? It’s easy for them to minimize it because it isn’t THEIR sex being degraded and treated like scum.  I know that NONE of the guys I know – who view porn – would continue watching it if men were being ass-fucked by women with strap-ons or being forced to suck on that strap-on after it came out of his ass. They wouldn’t watch porn where the money shot was of men giving themselves facials.  ISN’T that a red flag moment? The very fact that men won’t watch porn that is degrading to men, is sexist to begin with…. (I know, I’m generalizing “not all porn blah blah blah” I’m talking about mainstream/hetero gonzo). Of course – exceptions exist. The only opinions men generally want to listen to on the whole pornography issue – are women who agree with them and systematically support their own degredation. They are the only women who are allowed opinions on this subject.  Because anytime you start talking about the porn issues – men are like, “You are trying to control women, you are for censorship, you are trying to take away freedom of speach from other woman!!!!!” – when the reality is that I’m not down with most cencorship, I don’t want to tell women what to do with their bodies BUT I have a right to my freaking freedom of speach and if I think what women do in porn is irresponsible (when it is their true choice) – I have a right to point it out. And every asshole that brings up the “freedom of speach” bullshit is totally fine with banning racist cartoons.  Which I hate to break it to them – is still a form of art – even if it is offensive and ignorant (as porn is).

Every guy I’ve ever known has had sexist attitudes (I think you’d have to do a 40 year study to find out how much of that influence is dedicated to porn).  What differs about them is in degree – not in the existence of their sexism. Some guys are more sexist than others. And my experiences basically point to the fact that the guys I dated whom viewed the MOST pornography – had the worst attitudes about women. They ignored my opinions, would risk ruining our relationship to view pornography (which is sexist in of itself because he’s flexing his “privilege” and ignoring any consideration for the woman in his life, despite her feelings on it), they had no problem calling me a “bitch” when I’d stand up for myself etc. The way in which men won’t tolerate a woman telling them that they consider porn hate speach – is sexist in of itself and it’s offensive.  I mean – it’s like denying racist advertisements/cartoons as being racist, simply because they are “art”. As art is an expression of human emotions, perspectives, depths etc etc etc – in art, can exist racism, sexism, hatred etc.

The guys I dated who viewed the most pornography were also more selfish when it came to sex.  Ex: I dated this guy once (in my younger years) who wouldn’t return the favor. He was the sneakiest porn addict I have ever dated.  I NEVER found porn while him and I were together, it wasn’t until after when we were friends with bennies, I used his computer and when I was typing in an address, a HUGE list of pornography websites dropped down (and no other websites came up, so clearly that was what he was viewing mostly on his computer). 

The porn viewers were also the biggest pests. They would nag and bug me to try different sex things that I clearly didn’t want to do (some of it was as harmless as “talking dirty” which I never wanted or desired to do at ALL and clearly an idea sprung up from porn). Like anal or shaving my crotch hair. The guy I dated in highschool was always pestering me about trying all of this stupid shit he saw in porn (contrary to everyone’s defense that they are natural fetishes – he would have never gotten the ideas he had without porn). He wanted me to get implants, he wanted me to shave my crotch, he wanted me to dress more revealing.  IOW – me, just being me – wasn’t good enough for him, which HELLO is a fucking sexist attitude.  He didn’t feel that it was necessary for HIM to shave HIS BALLS or get a penis implant… It was all about things I could do to myself, that would make me NOT like myself.  Making those “suggestions” is sexist to begin with. And I’m sorry – he didn’t get the “big fake boob” idea from his own brain. Nor did he desire to stick his penis up my poop shoot (I never gave into him though, haha) randomly from his own fantasies – another idea he got from porn. He also wanted to try other positions from porn that do nothing for female stimulation – as all porn tends to.

The other guy I dated above (the one who was a porn addict in secret) also would tell me all the time that I’d look “sexier with make-up on.” – which is totally  sexist. I don’t care how any man tries to spin that one. You are telling me to cover up my face, to be ashamed of my face as it is… That is sexist. Superficial at best. I can’t think of ONE moment where I told a guy he should dress differently or cut his hair differently etc (I know there are women who do that stuff, but not me).

The guys who watch porn are also more likely to reach for words like “bitch, slut, whore, cunt, pussy” etc. Not necessarily about me but about other women.

Either way – I just don’t think you can have an ACCURATE study on SEXISM that is being conducted by a probably WHITE male.  It’s completely ridiculous and you know what? I bet if a feminist did the same study (and had a better sampling system and control group) their results would come out completely different. Probably opposite.

Of course – no one would trust the perspective of a WOMAN on this subject (sexism galore).  All of the people backing this study done by a man would totally denounce a similar study done by a woman (especially a feminist).  I think it makes sense to have a non-white person do a study on racism. I can’t picture a white person doing a totally accurate study on racism because there are times where even the best intentioned, least racist white people flex their privelege or entitlement without realizing it.

I guess another and final thing I have to say about this pseudoscience study is basically this: We live in such an incredibly sexist society, so how the heck can anyone do a study accurately on how “sexist” porn makes a man.  The men going into these studies all had varying degrees of sexism BEFORE they ever even viewed pornography. Because even as boys they are taught that they can do just about everything better than women.

I just smell a foul taste of bullshit. NONE of the men they talked to had sexist attitudes? Yet EVERY SINGLE man I have ever met had some sexist views? Give me a break. Another man patting himself on the back. Just what women need.

Anyway – if anyone can get me a copy of this “study” – I would LOVE to go through it and rip it apart, bit by bit – lie by lie.

The Meatrix

January 21, 2010

Digable Planets “La Femme Fetal”

January 19, 2010

Everyone’s gotta love this song, pro-choice and all. One of my all time fav. hip-hop groups.

About that last quote…

January 4, 2010

I was thinking about how true it is.

You wear high heels, you might look hot today but you’ll be in pain with back/knee/tendon/foot problems later (

A hawt tan looks GREAT (actually, I think it looks gross but that’s just my opinion) but it could lead to skin cancer, wrinkles and dried out, death looking skin later – complete with white spots where your skin actually stops being able to create pigment (

Make-up might make you look like a cartoon – which apparently, everyone thinks is attractive but later and after years of use – it could lead to cancer and other health problems ( Eye make-up is usually completed with a dose of Mercury (the worse kind – a more toxic kind than what is found in most fish). Lip products often have lead in them. And even a lot of the “natural” make-ups with powdered silica could be harmful.

You can dye your hair and keep up with having a different hair style every single day but guess what? It could cause you to go bald, lead to psoriosis (or worsen already existing) and possibly lead to cancer! (

Perfume? Might make you smell great today but what will it do to you in the future?!? Well – many perfumes have some of the same TOXIC chemicals found in cigarrette smoke (

Wearing a push-up bra to make those breasts look like an asscrack might send all the shallow asshole dudes to the bathroom for a wanking BUT they also could lead to breast cancer in the future ( So what do you choose? Breasts that are hoisted up to look like an asscrack with the future increase in breast cancer (which could mean no boobs at all) OR just letting them hang naturally and possibly avoid losing them altogether.

Just about every single product out there, marketed towards women is harmful.  It makes me wonder A LOT.  Women get jipped in health care. Women are often ignored by doctors AND most of the products sold out there are made in a way that is extremely harmful for women. Are they trying to make us the weaker sex?

Heck, I’m not telling people that they HAVE to worry about how they look but I’ve seen the affects first hand of how the instant gratification of looking perfect (or as perfect as one can get with all of these toxic helpers) can actually speed up aging.

My younger sister (two years younger than me), actually looks like she could be ~ 10 years older than me (or more, depending on perspective).  It’s because she tans, cakes on the make-up everyday, uses all kinds of toxic chemicals (she dyes her hair at least once a month), she wears high heels and already has tendon problems (she has a hard time walking with her feet flat because she wears heels almost daily). She’s only 26.  Her tendons are going to be in VERY rough shape ten years from now if she doesn’t change her shoe-wearing habits.

It always amazes me how people who are so obsessed with vanity seem to forget about how they might look in the FUTURE because of everything they do now to look good. Thus is the HUGE price of vanity. I could sit here and brag about how I’ll probably be the hottest old woman because I avoid most of these things but I honestly don’t give a shit. What strikes me as ODD though? That the people who are MOST obsessed with how they look don’t even think about it. And when they do turn 40 or 50 years old, lookin’ like leather face – what will their self-esteems be like?

It takes me back to the reasons I think modeling and porn are disgusting choices (when they are) for a living… I know I’m not the first person to notice how a lot of models and porn stars seem to be totally centered on how they look (and heck, I’m not saying it don’t make sense) and I always wonder – what will they think about themselves when they get old and ugly like the rest of us (that was a bit o’ satire, reflecting on how a lot of women in modeling and porn actually think they are better looking than every other woman)? 

When you build your life around how you look, rather than simply encorporating how you look into your life – when those looks go, so doesn’t your life…. ye know? I mean – look at how desparately Janice Dickenson tries to keep herself looking the way she did 20 years ago (which is still imposible despite the “myracles” of plastic surgery). 

I wonder a lot about that in terms of my sister. She’s so obsessed with how she looks now, how her body looks and the furthest she’s gone to think about how she might look in the future is how she won’t breast feed because she doesn’t want her breasts “damaged” or “shrunken”.  She doesn’t think about wrinkles when she gets those tans (and my sister is fair skinned like me – yet she tans to the point where she doesn’t look like a white person anymore).

This is why I don’t give a shit about how I look (to a point). I’m mindful about my clothes – and the only thing I use a mirror for is to make sure I don’t have toothpast on my face and that my eye boogers are cleaned off, make sure my hair isn’t greasy or whatever.  I think there is a HUGE freedom in just letting go of all that petty shit. Yes, I call it petty. But not out of insult… There are things about me that are petty. Like me needing to work out my abs when my six-pack starts to fade. Or lifting weights because I like having good muscle tone. I’m petty in certain ways but guess what? They won’t kill me in the future. My pettiness will never be the cause of this womans’ death (though smoking may be, haha).

Another reason for avoiding all of the vanity things?

People like you less. Even if they pretend to like you, they generally like you less.

That’s how I HONESTLY feel, myself. I am less likely to jump at the chance of being friends with a woman who is obsessed with how she looks. And I’m even less likely to date a guy who is obsessed with how he looks.

People who are obsessed with how they look ALWAYS need ego boosting. And when someone needs ego boosting – here comes the trouble, WATCH OUT! A guy who is in constant need of ego boosting is A LOT more likely to cheat. And the thing is – I don’t even think they cheat because they want to hurt their gf or bf or whatever, it’s just because they NEED that ego boost.

People who are obsessed with how they look are VERY OFTEN narcissistic, egocentric etc. And really – what does any person do with anyone who is like that, besides be miserable?  I draw these conclusions from experience. I’ve dated a few egocentric/narcisstic guys and had some female friends that were the same and they all had that in common (being obsessed with how they look).  NONE of them treated me well or treated me like I mattered or that I was even relevant in any decisions they made that affected me.  The one thing I noticed about all of these people? They can’t keep friends (unless those friendships are very superficial and the other people don’t really know each other) or partners.  And I think that makes sense. Eventually – when your friends start to realize you only have one interest (yourself) – they aren’t interested anymore… What use does anyone have for a “friend” that only befriends themselves?

Just another cost of todays satisfaction.