Free choices?

One of the things that irritates me  is how so many people try to make claims that they do things in compliance with what is expected of their gender without the influence of patriarchy.

I call bullshit.

And porn is no exception (but more likely a driving force) – doing or viewing.

I’ve had women tell me that they like wearing make-up, dresses, highHells etc because they like it or that they love to have a sense of fashion etc… And if you try and ask them WHY they like wearing those things, many will respond with, “I do it for myself”

Again, I smell bullshit.

HighHells do not exist for the consumers own comfort. Don’t fool yourself – even if you’ve worn them so often you can hardly tell (callous?).  When women “do this shite for themselves” it’s indirectly for themselves. It’s indirect because women are taught to value themselves by how men see them. It makes them feel good to feel attractive to men – so yeah, I won’t deny that they are doing it for themselves but they are also doing it through a second party – not independently. Women are taught to reduce themselves to how they look – so when I woman is trying hard to look good (in the sense of beauty standards) – she is not making that decision on her own, independent of patriarchal influences.

The truth is that we all make MOST of our decisions based on patriarchy – especially if we comply with what is considered “feminine” (and in the idiots minds – female), what is considered masculine (and in the idiots mind – male).

When I wear a dress to one of my cousins wedding – not only am I conforming to what other people consider “dressed up” for a woman but I’m also sucking the big dong of patriarchy. And being aware of this makes it increasingly hard for me to conform. It’s like a tug-a-war between wanting to be comfortable and not having to deal with societies scrutiny.

I can’t help but get really REALLY annoyed, especially with pro-porn feminists who try to claim that they create their own pornography independent of the patriarchy – It’s bullshit.  It’s also IMPOSSIBLE. And most of the feminist porn I have looked into holds most of the same shitty stereotypes and anyone who is more than thin is left out of the equation (how fucking feminist, yay!). I went to the abbey winters website just to have a look for myself (I didn’t watch any of the videos) and on the home page – guess what was plastered all over it? Lots of naked women. Women who were still fairly good looking, most of them white, and thin. The only revolutionary thing about it was that they actually had one or two women with A cup breasts… And that’s the thing – I still felt that all of these women were being objectified – they were being advertised as sexual beings and it’s nearly impossible to do this without being influenced by patriarchy. At least from the photos.  Heck – there wasn’t even ONE picture of a man – so much for all of us straight feminists who’d rather look at a naked man… I guess our desires or preferences aren’t included (no wonder so many people think all feminists are lesbians).

And you have to wonder – WHY it is that some feminists want their naked pictures and videos all over the internet and world? Could it be possible that they are conforming to the idea that women are valued for their bodies, rather than their minds?  Because in my own mind, the only way you could create TRUE feminist porn, is to totally do it independent of capitalism. What I mean is that I would consider a couple creating their own personal porn together – not to be spread around to other people – feminist porn.

The marketing of feminist porn automatically makes it unfeminist and it just goes back to women being viewed as sexual meat.

It reminds me of how I wrote a post on an old blog once about make-up… I was basically pointing out that women wear make-up – not because they have this instinct to wear it or that it’s some trait in born to women – it’s because patriarchy and beauty standards dictate that women should wear make-up. Someone actually (haha, I couldn’t believe it) tried to defend make-up as art! Trying to make it out like they wear make-up because they have this unbridled need to paint – so why not do it on their fucking face?

But that’s the thing – if make-up was really an art, and not a beauty standard – women wouldn’t put it on nearly the same, almost all of the time. I mean – look at the average Pamela Anderson type woman – they all have that thick black eyeliner, false eyelashes, waaaaaaaay too much blush…. Real fucking art!!!! I guess in a really weird kind of collective Andy Warhol type way, it could be considered art (er, or not).

Anyway – I was reminded of these types of discussions earlier today. I was talking to my boyfriend this morning and somehow gender came up… And he made some claim about how he dresses the way he dresses because he likes it… And of course – being the person I am, I asked, “Why do you like them, and why don’t you wear dresses?”

He was like, “I think dresses are ugly.” Which is a total bullshit lie because he says I look nice when I’m in a dress.

I think that when you ask a bunch of “Whys” it becomes undeniable that a lot of our choices are influenced (if not dictated) by patriarchal ideas on gender. A lot of straight boys, who are not transgender or transexual try on dresses when they are young.  I have a little cousin who has two sisters (he’s the boy out of triplets) and he always wants to put on dresses.  People have even made ignorant jokes about his sexuality but the reality is that gender is not an instinct, it is not something you decide to follow along with by your own volition and if you think so – you are in complete and total denial. It is LEARNED over time – through parents and peers and media. Just like the human taste for meat is LEARNED.

And I mean – why are so many people afraid to admit that they are conforming? I conform to some of the beauty standards (like shaving).  I honestly probably wouldn’t do it, if it wasn’t expected of women. If I didn’t have to deal with people going, “Eeeew, gross.” and other such annoying comments – I wouldn’t shave.  No woman can really claim that she shaves for other reasons than this. Especially if they are shaving their vag (and I’ve had woman tell me they decided to shave their vag without being influenced by society *snort).  I’ve even had women say that they shave because they like how their legs feel smooth and it’s like – yeah, well most media outlets attempt to make women look “smooth and soft” (I mean – look at every razor add, think about every soap add that includes women, lotions etc – there is a whole market out there devoted to keeping women smooth).  So when a woman says that she decided for herself that she likes smooth and soft legs (and honestly – you’d have smoother, softer legs with hair on them, than when it starts to grow in and is stubbly)  and that’s why she shaves – she isn’t looking into it deep enough and isn’t looking into how society teaches women to love smooth and soft – especially on themselves.

So yeah – your truth is really just a bunch of compliance 😛

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